I've had several opportunities to speak at Christian summer camps over the years. I wanted to post an example video of my speaking content/style in the event any camps are looking for a speaker.
Tuesday, January 4, 2022
Wednesday, July 29, 2020
550 Days later....Still Delight in the Lord
Ecclesiastes 3:7-8 a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.
Time. After my last post some major changes happened and I needed to go silent. There are times when I am sure the Lord wants me to speak up and share things. Other times I just want to share something. This time- just too many changes and transitions to keep up, and I fell silent.
I don't have many followers and have never really been praised for my writing so I even questioned if I should start back up writing again. Today I decided to start. Do I update the silent part or just zoom into what is now?
I guess I'll just start with today and perhaps finish up with a timeline. But I need to at least let you know I am still a wife, no longer employed, now a mom, and have lived in 3 different homes since last posting...now in another state.
Exhaustion, not okay, lonely, gasping for room/breath. Finally posted something on social media a few weeks back. Had a couple of people reach out to me. We are still in the midst of the historical COVID-19 pandemic. This circumstance is the ongoing life pressure holding me and so many others under water with rare opportunities to come up for air.
God cares. He is not surprised. He is still at work. He is still faithful. He is still God Almighty.
His Story is still going on. We are still just vapors... a mist in time. He is forever.
I'm feeling like I'm in the shadows. Just functioning. I finally have a peace. And I'm finally connecting with local women. The Lord did a wonderful break through in my life yesterday. So much so it kind of feels like a dream. I had a really rough night with the baby (I know BABY!) and struggling to even get her down for a nap. Husband still working from home so I needed to continue to tip toe around the house. I finally got her down and came to pray and have some much needed time with the Lord.
I just wanted to scream out everything. I had this memory of a day off back at my first job after college (Spring of 2007). I was in a new town and didn't know many people. I found a cemetery away from traffic or anyone and found a low point away from any tombstones and hid behind my vehicle. I spent the entire afternoon just crying, yelling, singing, reading, praying, writing, etc. How I long for an opportunity like that again. Instead I just covered my face and whisper screamed and cried. I read scripture, I wrote my prayers out. I swallowed my pride and reached out for prayer as well as asking for help. I sat in silence. Then the peace overwhelmed me. I knew immediately it was the Lord giving me this peace and I was feeling the prayers of others. And a response that help would be on the way soon!
No matter what my circumstances or life seasons have been--I circle back to the truth that I am at peace when I focus on the Lord and delight in Him. And even now I smile as the Lord quietly reminds me that is why I started blogging in the first place.
Be encouraged- God sees you. He loves you. He desires a relationship with you. I pray I can take time each day and renew the right spirit with Him. To be in His presence.
Psalm 89:1-2 I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.
2 For I said, “Steadfast love will be built up forever;
in the heavens you will establish your faithfulness.”
Timeline....as best as I can recall
2019
January-- awesome boss resigned and transition time was a struggle
March--We put our house on the market
April--Accepted an offer on the house, I put in my two weeks notice at my workplace, we moved to a 1 bedroom duplex...oh and I found out I was pregnant
May-August-- Volunteered at summer camp, kept getting bigger, started leading a book study, family vacation
August--Started substitute teaching and looking for part time work.
September--Started working a work from home job, attended Saturday church service and serving on AV team
November (end)--Had a baby- Csection...had a day to prep emotionally for it was a bit of a surprise
December--skype Christmas with limited visits
2020
January- decided not to go back to work
February- I can't remember other than recovering
March- Visit in-laws and husband interviews for new job, COVID hits, pack up and move to a rental unseen with a four month old
April--surviving
May--struggling, looking for church via online
June--struggling, have a few folks visit
July--struggling, get involved in church, get more air, find a group of women to fellowship with via internet.
550 days later here I am.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Vacuous Apathy
First of all, may I begin by saying...Happy New Year! A month in.
Social work, specifically to teen parents, has opened a brand new part of my heart and mind.
Working with teens alone brings necessary character, care, and personality. Add that these young ones...now raising babies...brings a whole other element!
These last couple of months I've been dealing with an injured foot and being unwell with multiple colds after perhaps the flu. In these moments of dependency on my wonderful & patient husband, along with my fantastic co-workers, I've had times in which I've just had to sit and wait.
This brought on some isolated times. Not able to work downstairs in my office with my co-workers and being stuck in a cold room all by myself. Initially this was my introverted side's dream. But too much time alone isn't good for any of us. And although I struggled, the Lord, in His continuous faithfulness, has seen me through.
This time did give me a new perspective about something which has bothered me for over a decade. There has been this sense of a population of people in which I couldn't quite figure out how to describe. There is a long-suffering deficiency in them...but I just haven't been able to figure out what it is. During my season of silence/isolation I finally have been able to pin point what it is: Vacuous Apathy.
I had experienced apathy before. My heart always aches when we are affected by those who treat others with apathy. In fact I really struggled during my seasons of depression (roughly around 2014-2016) when I would reach out for help and was met with such hurt. I'm still working through the repercussions of those traumatic experiences. Yet what is one step worse is when ignorance is added to the mix. In short the don't know don't care perspective. Do we really understand how damaging this is!?
Vacuous: an adjective, having or showing a lack of thought or intelligence; mindless
Apathy: a noun, lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern (www.dictionary.com)
This new awareness came from seeing parents who haven't yet obtained skills and knowledge regarding life skills and parenting. This alone isn't the problem. What happens is they reach out for help...or they research and are unable to obtain the tools and knowledge they need. That leads to discouragement, depression, and even an overwhelming sense of failure and overload. If there is no support system in place or they are met by apathy...they in turn are susceptible to turning into the same...but without knowledge. They become vacuously apathetic. This then affects how they function. How they interact with others and most dangerously how they care (or don't care) for their children. I'm not even going to get into adding on their past traumas as that opens even larger, long-term damaging affects.
As I observed this, I realized this is why it is so hard to love this population. Not just teen parents, but anyone who has fallen into this toxic apathetic sense of living and relating. What breaks my heart, and I dare say the Lord's as well, is how often I have seen this disease in so many of those who identify themselves as Christians/ followers of Jesus Christ.
It is not that I am merely upset that Christians (or those who call themselves Christians) don't have enthusiasm about what the Bible says, or what God is doing. I am intensely sorrowful when I watch this vacuous apathy played out regularly by those who claim to know Jesus.
It is a selfish, lazy, and prideful way of living that has spread among so many of us, myself included. And it brings a dangerous hopelessness in my spirit sometimes. Why have we allowed this into our minds and hearts?!
I have been convicted by the Lord that I cannot love others...especially those who are in this pattern of apathy until I deal with my own sickness that I've allowed in. It is similar to bitterness-which is why I haven't been able to pinpoint it in the past. I am learning through humbling myself before the Lord. Also working through this and other things, with trusted, godly women.
As I was writing this, I started thinking of James chapter two in the Bible. After re-reading it, I found these passages.
James 2: 15-17 (ESV) "If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."
James 2:20(ESV) "Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?"
So even though I'm still working on this myself, I felt I should share these thoughts with others as well. Can I encourage you to take sometime of self-reflection? To be willing to admit if you have these symptoms? And to go to the Lord Jesus for help and healing? May I also challenge you one step further--to change how you treat people and what you say (or post on social media). Perhaps pause more to ask yourself...why am I saying this? Is this going to honor the Lord? Do I care? Do I know? Will you be willing to learn more about what others are going through and hearing their life stories? Will you be open to doing what God has put on your heart individually? This could be just slowing down and looking around to see if anyone just needs a smile or a helping hand. In the grocery store, the pew or hallway at church, or the chair across from you, or the person in the car next to you. I pray in the name of Jesus, that we will flee from this temptation, and that He will protect us, our families, and our community from such simple yet venomous living.
(Picture source: https://me.me/i/whats-the-difference-between-ignorance-and-apathy-dont-know-dont-08465787180744f3957b7ede0b6dea3f)
Social work, specifically to teen parents, has opened a brand new part of my heart and mind.
Working with teens alone brings necessary character, care, and personality. Add that these young ones...now raising babies...brings a whole other element!
These last couple of months I've been dealing with an injured foot and being unwell with multiple colds after perhaps the flu. In these moments of dependency on my wonderful & patient husband, along with my fantastic co-workers, I've had times in which I've just had to sit and wait.
This brought on some isolated times. Not able to work downstairs in my office with my co-workers and being stuck in a cold room all by myself. Initially this was my introverted side's dream. But too much time alone isn't good for any of us. And although I struggled, the Lord, in His continuous faithfulness, has seen me through.
This time did give me a new perspective about something which has bothered me for over a decade. There has been this sense of a population of people in which I couldn't quite figure out how to describe. There is a long-suffering deficiency in them...but I just haven't been able to figure out what it is. During my season of silence/isolation I finally have been able to pin point what it is: Vacuous Apathy.
I had experienced apathy before. My heart always aches when we are affected by those who treat others with apathy. In fact I really struggled during my seasons of depression (roughly around 2014-2016) when I would reach out for help and was met with such hurt. I'm still working through the repercussions of those traumatic experiences. Yet what is one step worse is when ignorance is added to the mix. In short the don't know don't care perspective. Do we really understand how damaging this is!?
Vacuous: an adjective, having or showing a lack of thought or intelligence; mindless
Apathy: a noun, lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern (www.dictionary.com)
This new awareness came from seeing parents who haven't yet obtained skills and knowledge regarding life skills and parenting. This alone isn't the problem. What happens is they reach out for help...or they research and are unable to obtain the tools and knowledge they need. That leads to discouragement, depression, and even an overwhelming sense of failure and overload. If there is no support system in place or they are met by apathy...they in turn are susceptible to turning into the same...but without knowledge. They become vacuously apathetic. This then affects how they function. How they interact with others and most dangerously how they care (or don't care) for their children. I'm not even going to get into adding on their past traumas as that opens even larger, long-term damaging affects.As I observed this, I realized this is why it is so hard to love this population. Not just teen parents, but anyone who has fallen into this toxic apathetic sense of living and relating. What breaks my heart, and I dare say the Lord's as well, is how often I have seen this disease in so many of those who identify themselves as Christians/ followers of Jesus Christ.
It is not that I am merely upset that Christians (or those who call themselves Christians) don't have enthusiasm about what the Bible says, or what God is doing. I am intensely sorrowful when I watch this vacuous apathy played out regularly by those who claim to know Jesus.
It is a selfish, lazy, and prideful way of living that has spread among so many of us, myself included. And it brings a dangerous hopelessness in my spirit sometimes. Why have we allowed this into our minds and hearts?!
I have been convicted by the Lord that I cannot love others...especially those who are in this pattern of apathy until I deal with my own sickness that I've allowed in. It is similar to bitterness-which is why I haven't been able to pinpoint it in the past. I am learning through humbling myself before the Lord. Also working through this and other things, with trusted, godly women.
As I was writing this, I started thinking of James chapter two in the Bible. After re-reading it, I found these passages.
James 2: 15-17 (ESV) "If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."
James 2:20(ESV) "Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?"
So even though I'm still working on this myself, I felt I should share these thoughts with others as well. Can I encourage you to take sometime of self-reflection? To be willing to admit if you have these symptoms? And to go to the Lord Jesus for help and healing? May I also challenge you one step further--to change how you treat people and what you say (or post on social media). Perhaps pause more to ask yourself...why am I saying this? Is this going to honor the Lord? Do I care? Do I know? Will you be willing to learn more about what others are going through and hearing their life stories? Will you be open to doing what God has put on your heart individually? This could be just slowing down and looking around to see if anyone just needs a smile or a helping hand. In the grocery store, the pew or hallway at church, or the chair across from you, or the person in the car next to you. I pray in the name of Jesus, that we will flee from this temptation, and that He will protect us, our families, and our community from such simple yet venomous living.
(Picture source: https://me.me/i/whats-the-difference-between-ignorance-and-apathy-dont-know-dont-08465787180744f3957b7ede0b6dea3f)
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
It's Just Coffee...
I spent the summer in respite mode. A much needed time for me to rest and calibrate. I left my part-time job in May and the school job fires & rehires each year until you've been there a healthy while.
So I was unemployed once again. We set aside money in savings just in case this happened so we were able to scrape by on one income for the summer. The break was wonderful! Oh how I needed this time to just be. No expectations for myself or that others had put on me. It was exactly what I needed. I thank the Lord for a season of unemployment--never thought that is something I would be thankful for!
During the summer I did end up having a job offer (we'll call this job A) at the school. I was given an interview and a verbal job offer. I verbally accepted the position. Now I could truly rest without feeling stressed about the fall.
My husband and I were visiting a local church and they mentioned a need for volunteers at their art camp. I was free and really hadn't done anything the whole summer so I thought...yeah, one week of this before I start my job in a few weeks would be great for getting me back into the swing of work life. So I signed up.
I was starting to get to know a few of the other volunteers and teaching 3 kiddos beginner piano.
One gal in particular and I started to get to know each other that Thursday night. At one point in our conversation she asked me what I did job wise because my personality seemed like I would be a great fit for a job she was hiring for. I mentioned the above paragraph about having a job (Job A) lined up in the fall. She said if I know anyone looking for work and they may be a good fit to let her know. I asked her to explain the job she was hiring for and she shared a bit more about it. We exchanged phone numbers and I let her know I'd reach out.
I came home and grabbed the mail to go through it. There was the official letter offering me the job (A) at the school. They requested an official acceptance (or rejection) of the job by a certain date. The date just happened to be the next day. So...I had not officially accepted the position. But I gave them my word. Hmmm.
I chatted with my husband about my new friend and the job opening. We looked up the company and did some initial research. In the morning I mentioned I wanted to look into this job a little further. I was really impressed with this woman and our conversation. Given full support from my hubby...I reached out to see if I could learn more about this position (job B).
Sure enough my hiring buddy was able to meet me that afternoon for coffee. She invited me to come up with as many questions as possible and to look up more information about her program. I did my research and started coming up with questions. I stopped for a minute and wrote at the top of my list: "It's Just Coffee." This saying came from a radio interview I heard once during my single days. It was in reference to giving women advice when they were going on dates. They shouldn't start dreaming up the wedding day after the first date. It is just coffee. So I took that thought for myself and applied it to this situation. Just as a reminder to me to keep me looking at it as a learning opportunity. I did grab my resume- just in case.
After 1.5 hours of Just coffee...I found myself submitting my resume for the job and scheduling an initial interview! I then got in my car, said a quick prayer, called my husband to update him, and then called the principal of the school who offered me the job. I was given a week extension to accept or reject the school job (A).
A week went by and I was waiting for one more interview to be scheduled before a job offer (this is job B) would be possible. I received a follow-up call from the principal inquiring if I had accepted or rejected the job (A). Pausing, I looked down in front of me at the letter of rejection for the school job. I then glanced over to my notebook and saw the "it's just coffee." for the other job. "Not anymore" I chuckled nervously to myself. I informed the principal I indeed was rejecting the job offer and thanked her for her patience as well as her gracious attitude.
What do you do in such a situation!? You just said no to a perfectly good job when you didn't have another one! Yet I had a peace about it. I saw God leading me in this direction. Even if I wasn't offered this other position, my husband and I agreed we could trust God. A memory of one of the lessons taught during the art camp came to mind. The speaker had emphasized the part of the story of Daniel's friends in the Bible-Daniel chapter 3 where they said even if God doesn't save us...we will not bow down. This was the part of the story where they were being challenged by the king to bow down or they would be thrown in the fiery furnace.
Daniel 3:16-18 (ESV) "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have not need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it know to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
As you may know they are thrown into the fire. They are protected by God and don't even smell like the furnace when they come out! The king then gives them higher positions and no one can punish them for serving their God.
Now I'm not equating myself to that intense of a situation. Yet if you look at it in a financial sense...that was kind of was what we where doing. We were ready to trust God by saying no to a job and not having another one lined up. (We did have several ideas of income in the event of not being offered the other job...but stay with me here- for suspense's sake!)
The weekend went by and I just kept myself busy while I waiting for a call. Monday came and I had an interview set for Tuesday. I interviewed and felt hopeful. Sure enough I received an email with a job offer! And there was much rejoicing!
I started my new job (job B) August 13th. Each day has been different. Lots of training and traveling! I was in a meeting on Thursday (what is it about Thursdays!?) and as I sat in this collaborative meeting a sense of confidence came over me. It was like the Holy Spirit was indicating to me--So this is why I gave you this personality. This is why you have stayed in this community. This is why you enjoy those excel spreadsheet making, training manual reading, and organizing hobbies.
God continues to subtly but deeply give me thoughts of confirmation. Just today my supervisor was giving me positive feedback and I started to tear up. She paused and inquired if these were happy tears. I said yes. She was sharing an experience of her observing me and the kindness and acceptance I had of all of those around me. It was a confirmation for her that she made the right choice. God was showing me--there Amy. This is your answer when in your season of depression you asked my WHY. This is why. I needed to bring you into that life style. I needed you to experience loss of many kinds. You would not have come to this job with the humility, teachable spirit, or kindness that is necessary if you did not go through that wilderness. Wow.
As I sit here typing I have paused so many times to thank Jesus. It's just me who got a job... but He chose Me for this opportunity. Situations that tug on my heart--I now get paid to help others.
So what is this job B you ask? It is a little tricky to explain so I'll just sum up. (Princess Bride reference for any of you movie quoters.) The official title is Group Facilitator and Community Coordinator Intake. I get to organize parenting classes for new moms and their families. I'll work with home visitors of the parents (or parents to be). Our organization works with 21 and under. If others come to us and they don't qualify for our program...the other part of my job comes in to play and I coordinate with the other local programs and get them connected/referred to those organizations. It is confusing, I know. So just think of it as parenting classes and community outreach.
I'm on a great team and have heard from even former employees how great this team is that I'm working with.
Like anything in life it will never be perfect and their will be stresses and struggles...but to have a job is such a blessing. Even more, the confirmations of such a good fit is quite a gift. James 1:17 (ESV) Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
By the way I should mention...this coffee we have been talking about, at least in my personal experience...It's never Just coffee.
So I was unemployed once again. We set aside money in savings just in case this happened so we were able to scrape by on one income for the summer. The break was wonderful! Oh how I needed this time to just be. No expectations for myself or that others had put on me. It was exactly what I needed. I thank the Lord for a season of unemployment--never thought that is something I would be thankful for!
During the summer I did end up having a job offer (we'll call this job A) at the school. I was given an interview and a verbal job offer. I verbally accepted the position. Now I could truly rest without feeling stressed about the fall.
My husband and I were visiting a local church and they mentioned a need for volunteers at their art camp. I was free and really hadn't done anything the whole summer so I thought...yeah, one week of this before I start my job in a few weeks would be great for getting me back into the swing of work life. So I signed up.
I was starting to get to know a few of the other volunteers and teaching 3 kiddos beginner piano.
One gal in particular and I started to get to know each other that Thursday night. At one point in our conversation she asked me what I did job wise because my personality seemed like I would be a great fit for a job she was hiring for. I mentioned the above paragraph about having a job (Job A) lined up in the fall. She said if I know anyone looking for work and they may be a good fit to let her know. I asked her to explain the job she was hiring for and she shared a bit more about it. We exchanged phone numbers and I let her know I'd reach out.
I came home and grabbed the mail to go through it. There was the official letter offering me the job (A) at the school. They requested an official acceptance (or rejection) of the job by a certain date. The date just happened to be the next day. So...I had not officially accepted the position. But I gave them my word. Hmmm.
I chatted with my husband about my new friend and the job opening. We looked up the company and did some initial research. In the morning I mentioned I wanted to look into this job a little further. I was really impressed with this woman and our conversation. Given full support from my hubby...I reached out to see if I could learn more about this position (job B).
Sure enough my hiring buddy was able to meet me that afternoon for coffee. She invited me to come up with as many questions as possible and to look up more information about her program. I did my research and started coming up with questions. I stopped for a minute and wrote at the top of my list: "It's Just Coffee." This saying came from a radio interview I heard once during my single days. It was in reference to giving women advice when they were going on dates. They shouldn't start dreaming up the wedding day after the first date. It is just coffee. So I took that thought for myself and applied it to this situation. Just as a reminder to me to keep me looking at it as a learning opportunity. I did grab my resume- just in case.
After 1.5 hours of Just coffee...I found myself submitting my resume for the job and scheduling an initial interview! I then got in my car, said a quick prayer, called my husband to update him, and then called the principal of the school who offered me the job. I was given a week extension to accept or reject the school job (A).A week went by and I was waiting for one more interview to be scheduled before a job offer (this is job B) would be possible. I received a follow-up call from the principal inquiring if I had accepted or rejected the job (A). Pausing, I looked down in front of me at the letter of rejection for the school job. I then glanced over to my notebook and saw the "it's just coffee." for the other job. "Not anymore" I chuckled nervously to myself. I informed the principal I indeed was rejecting the job offer and thanked her for her patience as well as her gracious attitude.
What do you do in such a situation!? You just said no to a perfectly good job when you didn't have another one! Yet I had a peace about it. I saw God leading me in this direction. Even if I wasn't offered this other position, my husband and I agreed we could trust God. A memory of one of the lessons taught during the art camp came to mind. The speaker had emphasized the part of the story of Daniel's friends in the Bible-Daniel chapter 3 where they said even if God doesn't save us...we will not bow down. This was the part of the story where they were being challenged by the king to bow down or they would be thrown in the fiery furnace.
Daniel 3:16-18 (ESV) "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have not need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it know to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
As you may know they are thrown into the fire. They are protected by God and don't even smell like the furnace when they come out! The king then gives them higher positions and no one can punish them for serving their God.
Now I'm not equating myself to that intense of a situation. Yet if you look at it in a financial sense...that was kind of was what we where doing. We were ready to trust God by saying no to a job and not having another one lined up. (We did have several ideas of income in the event of not being offered the other job...but stay with me here- for suspense's sake!)
The weekend went by and I just kept myself busy while I waiting for a call. Monday came and I had an interview set for Tuesday. I interviewed and felt hopeful. Sure enough I received an email with a job offer! And there was much rejoicing!
I started my new job (job B) August 13th. Each day has been different. Lots of training and traveling! I was in a meeting on Thursday (what is it about Thursdays!?) and as I sat in this collaborative meeting a sense of confidence came over me. It was like the Holy Spirit was indicating to me--So this is why I gave you this personality. This is why you have stayed in this community. This is why you enjoy those excel spreadsheet making, training manual reading, and organizing hobbies.
God continues to subtly but deeply give me thoughts of confirmation. Just today my supervisor was giving me positive feedback and I started to tear up. She paused and inquired if these were happy tears. I said yes. She was sharing an experience of her observing me and the kindness and acceptance I had of all of those around me. It was a confirmation for her that she made the right choice. God was showing me--there Amy. This is your answer when in your season of depression you asked my WHY. This is why. I needed to bring you into that life style. I needed you to experience loss of many kinds. You would not have come to this job with the humility, teachable spirit, or kindness that is necessary if you did not go through that wilderness. Wow.
As I sit here typing I have paused so many times to thank Jesus. It's just me who got a job... but He chose Me for this opportunity. Situations that tug on my heart--I now get paid to help others.
So what is this job B you ask? It is a little tricky to explain so I'll just sum up. (Princess Bride reference for any of you movie quoters.) The official title is Group Facilitator and Community Coordinator Intake. I get to organize parenting classes for new moms and their families. I'll work with home visitors of the parents (or parents to be). Our organization works with 21 and under. If others come to us and they don't qualify for our program...the other part of my job comes in to play and I coordinate with the other local programs and get them connected/referred to those organizations. It is confusing, I know. So just think of it as parenting classes and community outreach.
I'm on a great team and have heard from even former employees how great this team is that I'm working with.
Like anything in life it will never be perfect and their will be stresses and struggles...but to have a job is such a blessing. Even more, the confirmations of such a good fit is quite a gift. James 1:17 (ESV) Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
By the way I should mention...this coffee we have been talking about, at least in my personal experience...It's never Just coffee.
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
Stillness and Knowledge
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10 ESV
I've read this passage many times. I have sung songs in ensembles about being still and knowing He is God. I've taken deep breaths in moments of trials and thought "be still and know He is God."
Be Still. It wasn't until I had to be physically still for a test, an MRI, that I realized stillness sometimes requires work. Stop, don't talk, be as still as possible. My muscles were tense, I had an itch on my nose I could not scratch. I had to remain still for 30 minutes. During that time this verse came into my thoughts...so this is what being still really means.
And know that I am God I'll start making a mental list about what I know about God.
Your mind goes everywhere when you must remain calm. You are focusing on making sure you don't move. You have time to think about life, the universe, everything. I filled my mind with things I remembered about who God is. Just knowing "God you are in charge."
I looked up this verse on Biblehub.com and found many other verses that talk about who God is:
Psalm 46:11 The LORD of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.
I will be exalted
Isaiah 2:11 The proud look of man will be humbled, and the loftiness of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isaiah 2:17 So the pride of man will be brought low, and the loftiness of men will be humbled; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day,
Psalm 21:13 Be you exalted, LORD, in your own strength: so will we sing and praise …
We are struggling in our nation. We all have ideas, opinions, concerns, etc. Not just our nation, but the entire world. And what does this verse say? God will be above these worries, thoughts, and even control.
When we get worked up about policies or people.
When we don't know what to do next
Or can't figure out why we have this physical ailment that we can't find the root.
When we have loved ones that don't want to hear the love and truth
And we can't control what they do...
Let us Be Still. Know God. He will be Exalted.
Let God be first in our priorities and thoughts throughout the day.
Stay still long enough to hear God say-- Pray for your friend.
Send them a text of encouragement.
Tell someone your story of how God has changed your life.
Smile at the lady who is the faithful cashier at the store.
Ask the person next to you in church how they are doing and really care.
Say no to obligations that others have put on you but God says...this season you need to be still.
Whatever it is, through being still, praying, reading the Bible, and just thinking about God.
It is hard to just be still, but for me it has been exactly what I need.
I pray you can find time also to Be still and know that He is God. He will be first among everything in my life. (that's the Krasnichan paraphrase)
https://youtu.be/BgaHaioAjyg
I've read this passage many times. I have sung songs in ensembles about being still and knowing He is God. I've taken deep breaths in moments of trials and thought "be still and know He is God."
Be Still. It wasn't until I had to be physically still for a test, an MRI, that I realized stillness sometimes requires work. Stop, don't talk, be as still as possible. My muscles were tense, I had an itch on my nose I could not scratch. I had to remain still for 30 minutes. During that time this verse came into my thoughts...so this is what being still really means.
And know that I am God I'll start making a mental list about what I know about God.
Your mind goes everywhere when you must remain calm. You are focusing on making sure you don't move. You have time to think about life, the universe, everything. I filled my mind with things I remembered about who God is. Just knowing "God you are in charge."
I looked up this verse on Biblehub.com and found many other verses that talk about who God is:
Psalm 46:11 The LORD of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.
I will be exalted
Isaiah 2:11 The proud look of man will be humbled, and the loftiness of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isaiah 2:17 So the pride of man will be brought low, and the loftiness of men will be humbled; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day,
Psalm 21:13 Be you exalted, LORD, in your own strength: so will we sing and praise …
We are struggling in our nation. We all have ideas, opinions, concerns, etc. Not just our nation, but the entire world. And what does this verse say? God will be above these worries, thoughts, and even control.
When we get worked up about policies or people.
When we don't know what to do next
Or can't figure out why we have this physical ailment that we can't find the root.
When we have loved ones that don't want to hear the love and truth
And we can't control what they do...
Let us Be Still. Know God. He will be Exalted.
Let God be first in our priorities and thoughts throughout the day.
Stay still long enough to hear God say-- Pray for your friend.
Send them a text of encouragement.
Tell someone your story of how God has changed your life.
Smile at the lady who is the faithful cashier at the store.
Ask the person next to you in church how they are doing and really care.
Say no to obligations that others have put on you but God says...this season you need to be still.
Whatever it is, through being still, praying, reading the Bible, and just thinking about God.
It is hard to just be still, but for me it has been exactly what I need.
I pray you can find time also to Be still and know that He is God. He will be first among everything in my life. (that's the Krasnichan paraphrase)
https://youtu.be/BgaHaioAjyg
Monday, June 4, 2018
Trusting Others With Our Hidden Treasure
One of the recent conversations I was having with some dear friends was about brokenness. I am broken. Truth be told we are all broken but we may struggle to genuinely admit that we are broken and accept others with love in their current seasons of life.
I struggle with trusting others with my deep brokenness. As a child being one of six I used creative ways to get my parents' attention. I am gifted with a loud voice, so I would increase my volume to get attention. I would also share a lot of information about myself. I was a great example for what TMI (too much information) is.
It wasn't until adulthood when that too much information backfired. I shared my brokenness with those who either didn't care, didn't know how to help, or for another reason which I still am not sure, responded in an unloving way. I trusted a few people I assumed I could trust and they were not trustworthy. Because of these experiences I began to keep more and more of my hurts and struggles to myself. This was not healthy and I am still dealing with the consequences of living life for so long like this.
We all have this brokenness in us. I thought of an analogy of our hurts and pain being a treasure of jewels broken and unrefined. They are beautiful...or could be beautiful if we would let Jesus come and heal the wounds.
God often uses other people to help us in our need. I need to share my brokenness with others in order to heal. Call things what they are. Give them a name so they loose their power.
It is really hard to trust others with this treasure. Especially because not everyone understands or is willing to understand. I'll share my broken treasure with someone and they will only see broken up pieces of cement. They don't think my box of rocks should be anywhere near a treasure chest..
It takes vulnerable, broken, and humble people who have learned what Jesus' love really is in order for them to see my box of rocks as jewels that need to be refined, mended, cleaned and put into beautiful settings that can be displayed to show God's glory.
We need to be honest and vulnerable. Genuineness is so necessary for any hope of healing and growth. "Don't throw your pearls before swine" is not just wisdom and truth. It includes our deep needs and who we are.
Perhaps we should pray that we can be open and honest about our joys and sorrows. Pray that God would send you a support group who will value your hidden treasure of brokenness and will help you. Pray for discernment to know who those few trusted people will be. Pray you too can be that person for someone else.
If you are guilty of not being able to handle or accept others who are broken, I encourage you to ask God to show you how to see others how Jesus does. Be willing to look at your own life and see where your judging heart or selfish spirit has caused you to miss out on being part of changing broken stones into beautiful treasure.
"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined he also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified."
Romans 8:25-30 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.8.25-30.ESV
I struggle with trusting others with my deep brokenness. As a child being one of six I used creative ways to get my parents' attention. I am gifted with a loud voice, so I would increase my volume to get attention. I would also share a lot of information about myself. I was a great example for what TMI (too much information) is.
It wasn't until adulthood when that too much information backfired. I shared my brokenness with those who either didn't care, didn't know how to help, or for another reason which I still am not sure, responded in an unloving way. I trusted a few people I assumed I could trust and they were not trustworthy. Because of these experiences I began to keep more and more of my hurts and struggles to myself. This was not healthy and I am still dealing with the consequences of living life for so long like this.
We all have this brokenness in us. I thought of an analogy of our hurts and pain being a treasure of jewels broken and unrefined. They are beautiful...or could be beautiful if we would let Jesus come and heal the wounds.
God often uses other people to help us in our need. I need to share my brokenness with others in order to heal. Call things what they are. Give them a name so they loose their power.
It is really hard to trust others with this treasure. Especially because not everyone understands or is willing to understand. I'll share my broken treasure with someone and they will only see broken up pieces of cement. They don't think my box of rocks should be anywhere near a treasure chest..
It takes vulnerable, broken, and humble people who have learned what Jesus' love really is in order for them to see my box of rocks as jewels that need to be refined, mended, cleaned and put into beautiful settings that can be displayed to show God's glory.
We need to be honest and vulnerable. Genuineness is so necessary for any hope of healing and growth. "Don't throw your pearls before swine" is not just wisdom and truth. It includes our deep needs and who we are.
Perhaps we should pray that we can be open and honest about our joys and sorrows. Pray that God would send you a support group who will value your hidden treasure of brokenness and will help you. Pray for discernment to know who those few trusted people will be. Pray you too can be that person for someone else.
If you are guilty of not being able to handle or accept others who are broken, I encourage you to ask God to show you how to see others how Jesus does. Be willing to look at your own life and see where your judging heart or selfish spirit has caused you to miss out on being part of changing broken stones into beautiful treasure.
"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined he also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified."
Romans 8:25-30 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.8.25-30.ESV
Thursday, April 26, 2018
Long Time No Write.....Words for the Silent Season
The last time I made a post was in January of 2017....It is now April...almost May of 2018...
So what has been going on? What has happened? Should I explain? Maybe sum up...
How about a few key words...
CHANGE
So much has changed!
Marital Status:
January of 2017 would have brought me into my 3rd month of dating my second boyfriend ever. Jon and I met through the singles group...I know I bashed singles groups for years even after I helped start one at my church--and didn't even attend it after a while (sorry I did this). But in my season of life it was better be with others than alone...so there I was...there he was...another great brother-in-Christ. (or so I thought) Long story short... We started dating October, 2016, He proposed on April fool's Day of 2017, Jonathon and I were married May 27, 2017. Yeah! I know...CHANGE!!!
Jobs:
I was going into my 3rd month of a new job (my 5th since Nov. 2015) as well. In the fall of 2017 my role changed at my job and it became more and more stressful and chaotic. Jon and I agreed I needed to leave. I also needed to have another job in place before leaving. So a friend told me about a job at the library. I applied, was offered the job, and gave my two week notice in December of 2017. I was offered another job as well. I accepted that job and started in January of 2018. So one full time job and one part time job. CHANGE!!!
Health:
While all my vitals and blood tests are good I have gained a substantial amount of weight. More than I have ever weighed in my life. I've always struggled with weight but this has been a huge challenge! Pun intended... CHANGE!!!
BROKEN
I went from an independent single woman who was actively involved in my community and church to almost loosing my house, going on food stamps, feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated. I felt lonely and forgotten. And coming in and out of depression...broken.
When Jon began to get to know me...when we were just friends at a small group, I was in my lowest of lowest. I was getting up everyday, but I was not eating right. My job was hard work and I was getting paid less than when I was in college. My living area at my parents' or a friend's house was a mess. I had to pull back from ministry because it was too much for me. I was finally broken and had to ask for help.
And God said...finally!
Around January 2017 I started going to a support group for habits, hurts and hang ups. It was hard to go at first....more to support others, but then I realized I needed to work through my own things. Broken.
There have also been times of just feeling like the parts of my life were healing God was starting to re break them in order to realign them...like a broken bone that was healing incorrectly. So now seems the time of God revealing more in my brokenness. Which brings me to my next word:
LOVE
To have been single for so many years (I was married at 35 years old) there was only so many ways I could be loved by others and how I could love others. God has shown me some great love.
He has revealed more and more of who He is and has used my husband to love me.
During this support group journey I decided to join a step study "where the real work is done," as one of our fellow group members says. One section is doing a moral inventory of how others have hurt me and how I've hurt others. Oh the wounds that opened up!
It got so bad I had to take a break from a few things including the local church we had been attending. Everything was so raw and it was so much emotional work! I began to see a Christian counselor to help me work through some things. I realized how unloved and forgotten I felt.
During the school job's spring break I took off from the other job too. I took time to just rest
as well as hash through so more of the hurt and let God speak to me. I started to go through a Bible study App on my phone and came across a study about healing.
I was anticipating a focus on forgiveness...but I didn't find it. What I found was a reality of what I was feeling--hurt that had turned into bitterness. I had allowed God to take that bitterness band-aid away...and oh the sores that remained! As I continued to read the devotional I was encouraged to focus on how much God loved me. I took time to just let memories of my past and present of God's love for me wash me. I went back to the devotional and was challenged to learn to love others. That love covers a multitude of sin.
I took out some paper and wrote down the name of every person and entity I could think of who I felt resentment towards or hurt from. Then I just cried my eyes out. And yes...I did the messy cry.
I then wrote LOVE over all of the names and covered them up like a blanket.
I have been going through a book about boundaries in the last few months and was challenged by what I thought love was versus what love really is. As I thought through some scripture of how God loved in the Old Testament and the New Testament...my loving others in the past was more of duty or obligation... or feelings.
I began to think of how I could love others in the way God loves me. Guess what happened...a forgiveness for others came over me. Wow. So loving others first after I was hurt...brought forgiveness.
HEALING
What came from this experience...my own little retreat/conference came healing.
I started to feel that antibiotic cream which only the Holy Spirit can give, heal and mend those wounds.
I still am in the recovery room of healing, but such progress has been made.
LEARNING
I'm learning to be humble and broken before the Lord. I'm learning what love really is. I'm learning that my marriage is like no one else's. We can do things they way we feel the Lord is leading us--even if others expect us to do otherwise.
I'm learning more of my needs and personality.
I'm learning to speak up more.
I'm learning to be silent more.
I'm learning my style of rest is different than what I thought it was.
I'm learning how to make others laugh.
There are many other words I could use for my season of silence...but for now this is a good start for the conversation to begin again: Change, Broken, Love, Healing, and Learning
What has been going on in your life since January of 2017? What words would you use for the season of life you find yourself in?
So what has been going on? What has happened? Should I explain? Maybe sum up...
How about a few key words...
CHANGE
So much has changed!
Marital Status:
January of 2017 would have brought me into my 3rd month of dating my second boyfriend ever. Jon and I met through the singles group...I know I bashed singles groups for years even after I helped start one at my church--and didn't even attend it after a while (sorry I did this). But in my season of life it was better be with others than alone...so there I was...there he was...another great brother-in-Christ. (or so I thought) Long story short... We started dating October, 2016, He proposed on April fool's Day of 2017, Jonathon and I were married May 27, 2017. Yeah! I know...CHANGE!!!
Jobs:
I was going into my 3rd month of a new job (my 5th since Nov. 2015) as well. In the fall of 2017 my role changed at my job and it became more and more stressful and chaotic. Jon and I agreed I needed to leave. I also needed to have another job in place before leaving. So a friend told me about a job at the library. I applied, was offered the job, and gave my two week notice in December of 2017. I was offered another job as well. I accepted that job and started in January of 2018. So one full time job and one part time job. CHANGE!!!
Health:
While all my vitals and blood tests are good I have gained a substantial amount of weight. More than I have ever weighed in my life. I've always struggled with weight but this has been a huge challenge! Pun intended... CHANGE!!!
BROKEN
I went from an independent single woman who was actively involved in my community and church to almost loosing my house, going on food stamps, feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated. I felt lonely and forgotten. And coming in and out of depression...broken.
When Jon began to get to know me...when we were just friends at a small group, I was in my lowest of lowest. I was getting up everyday, but I was not eating right. My job was hard work and I was getting paid less than when I was in college. My living area at my parents' or a friend's house was a mess. I had to pull back from ministry because it was too much for me. I was finally broken and had to ask for help.
And God said...finally!
Around January 2017 I started going to a support group for habits, hurts and hang ups. It was hard to go at first....more to support others, but then I realized I needed to work through my own things. Broken.
There have also been times of just feeling like the parts of my life were healing God was starting to re break them in order to realign them...like a broken bone that was healing incorrectly. So now seems the time of God revealing more in my brokenness. Which brings me to my next word:
LOVE
To have been single for so many years (I was married at 35 years old) there was only so many ways I could be loved by others and how I could love others. God has shown me some great love.
He has revealed more and more of who He is and has used my husband to love me.
During this support group journey I decided to join a step study "where the real work is done," as one of our fellow group members says. One section is doing a moral inventory of how others have hurt me and how I've hurt others. Oh the wounds that opened up!
It got so bad I had to take a break from a few things including the local church we had been attending. Everything was so raw and it was so much emotional work! I began to see a Christian counselor to help me work through some things. I realized how unloved and forgotten I felt.
During the school job's spring break I took off from the other job too. I took time to just rest
as well as hash through so more of the hurt and let God speak to me. I started to go through a Bible study App on my phone and came across a study about healing.
I was anticipating a focus on forgiveness...but I didn't find it. What I found was a reality of what I was feeling--hurt that had turned into bitterness. I had allowed God to take that bitterness band-aid away...and oh the sores that remained! As I continued to read the devotional I was encouraged to focus on how much God loved me. I took time to just let memories of my past and present of God's love for me wash me. I went back to the devotional and was challenged to learn to love others. That love covers a multitude of sin.
I took out some paper and wrote down the name of every person and entity I could think of who I felt resentment towards or hurt from. Then I just cried my eyes out. And yes...I did the messy cry.
I then wrote LOVE over all of the names and covered them up like a blanket.
I have been going through a book about boundaries in the last few months and was challenged by what I thought love was versus what love really is. As I thought through some scripture of how God loved in the Old Testament and the New Testament...my loving others in the past was more of duty or obligation... or feelings.
I began to think of how I could love others in the way God loves me. Guess what happened...a forgiveness for others came over me. Wow. So loving others first after I was hurt...brought forgiveness.
HEALING
What came from this experience...my own little retreat/conference came healing.
I started to feel that antibiotic cream which only the Holy Spirit can give, heal and mend those wounds.
I still am in the recovery room of healing, but such progress has been made.
LEARNING
I'm learning to be humble and broken before the Lord. I'm learning what love really is. I'm learning that my marriage is like no one else's. We can do things they way we feel the Lord is leading us--even if others expect us to do otherwise.
I'm learning more of my needs and personality.
I'm learning to speak up more.
I'm learning to be silent more.
I'm learning my style of rest is different than what I thought it was.
I'm learning how to make others laugh.
There are many other words I could use for my season of silence...but for now this is a good start for the conversation to begin again: Change, Broken, Love, Healing, and Learning
What has been going on in your life since January of 2017? What words would you use for the season of life you find yourself in?
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