As I've continued irregularly writing on this blog there have been times where I have noted that I am single and have never dated. As a single woman who has an ongoing desire for marriage, there has always been a struggle. Yet God has not only been gracious in my life in this area--but His truth that He will always provide for me has continued to be evident in my life. God has taught me how to thrive in this season.
After going through a season of realizing marriage was an idol to me, I confessed that sin about a year ago (July 5th, 2014 to be exact). I have continued going in God's love and truth living as a single woman. I have moments of struggle, but truly content knowing that I trust God and know He has His best plan for my life. I was not going to force getting my way as much as I desired marriage.
I have been on 2-3 online dating sites, one proactively for about 3 years. Honestly I joined because my wonderful mother asked me to consider it as she and my father have prayed for years for all of their children's spouses or future spouses. (My mom told me once that she began praying for her children when she was 15 years old!) So I complied, but was never approached or even sent an email or comment indicating an interest in me for over three years.
So I honored my parents, still desired to be pursued, but wasn't--so if anyone would ask me from time to time why I wasn't married or dating anyone, I would just respond--I've never been pursued. Now we fast forward to Valentine's day 2015. I went out with a group of single gals. We had a great lunch and then we went to a pottery place where we would pick out some pottery and paint it. It was a grand time and I continue to thank God for these women in my life.
The next week I had a wonderful time praying to the Lord and reading His word, but I also was struggling with the reality of the life I believe God had for me. So I spent several hours struggling through and asking God--do you really want me single the rest of my life? Then I thought, what would be a good way to confirm God's plan for my marital status?
How about one more online dating site? I've never been pursued so I didn't see the potential in it. In fact it would kind of be a sure way for God to confirm His plan for me to be single. So I did some budgeting and picked the top rated dating site.
On February 18, 2015, I prayed to the Lord and laid out this fleece (this term is from Judges chapter 6 when Gideon wanted to confirm God's direction). "Father, you know that I still desire to be married. You also know that I am content to joyously thrive in whatever season you give me, knowing that you will always be my provider. I have always said that if I can't have a marriage as healthy as my parents and how my dad loves my mom, I'd rather be single the rest of my life. So I am putting out this fleece. Using the money you have given to me, I'm going to buy a 6 month subscription to this site. I will create a profile, but I am not going to do any of the pursuing. I'm not going to even comment on any guys profile. I am just putting myself out there. If your plan for me is marriage than I pray that a godly man will pursue me using this website. If I am not seriously pursued in these 6 months, than I will end my subscription and go in your grace and mercy and thrive as a single woman. God I trust you with all aspects of my life and more than anything I want or desire--I desire You and I desire to bring you glory. If being single will bring you more glory, than confirm that by no one pursuing me, but if being married will bring you more glory--than may my future husband find me and pursue me! Amen."
I would check the site 2-3 times a week. I gave an email address that I didn't check very often to keep me from being too distracted. I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the amount of attention I got even in the first week! Just having any guys comment or initiate communication was very flattering. I began responding back and praying for discernment.
The first weekend in March, I went to the women's weekend with the Charles Simeon Trust. It was a great weekend and I was humbled and spiritually refreshed. I made some new friends and caught up with my dear cousins. The next week I went through my online profile, ensuring that I had at least responded back to the guys that had taken the courage to initiate conversation with me. I had responded back to everyone accept one particular guy. I first thought--I don't remember this one initiating conversation. Why didn't I respond back? Then I read his profile: loves the Lord, loves studying the Bible and teaching when he gets the chance. Desires a wife that would be loyal and also would enjoy studying the Bible and maybe even discuss theology. And I say to myself "How did I miss this guy!?"
So I responded to his questions, and sent him questions, and so began the back and forth getting to know one another online. I continued to bathe this interaction in prayer and talked about it with some trusted friends and family. Our first date was Palm Sunday, March 29, 2015.
Here we are over 3 months later, dating and growing in the Lord and in our relationship together! We are in a relationship with the future looking towards marriage. This is a new season full of its joys, hiccups, humbling moments, and learning lessons.
There is more to come I'm sure, but one thing that the Lord has clearly shown me--He loves me and He has not changed. This man who is pursuing me, who is also God's child cannot be earned and I have done nothing to deserve him, and he has done nothing to deserve me. This relationship, however long it may last, is a gift from God. I am to entrust this dear man to God, knowing that God is still my provider and the only way this relationship will last and bring God glory is if we are centered on Christ individually and as a couple.
We desire others to come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. We want our relationship to be one that others can follow and see how dependance on God first, then each other, is the pattern that not only helps a lasting friendship, but frees us from putting the other person higher than we ought.
I'll end this post with a passage that has been one to remind me where my heart and actions should continue to be.
1 John 4:7-21 (ESV) 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
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