Due to my decision to resign from my job I needed to find a source of income to pay my mortage. God provided a family that needed a place to rent and my parents agreed to let me go and stay with them. So I drew up a lease agreement and started to clean my house.
As I moved all my things with the help of the family that would be moving in and others it was hard physically and emotionally. The next Sunday at church God provided lots of hugs. I couldn't really talk about it, but I was good at crying that day.
The tenants weren't moving in for a couple more weeks so I was able to take my time cleaning up the house and seeing if there were any major maintenance issues. As I went back to the empty house once or twice I would catch myself just sitting down and crying.I would repeat out loud "God this is your house. It always has been and always will be, but this is so hard!"
The last day I knew I was going to be in the house before the tenants moved in, I got up early (at my parents house as that is where I am now living). I got my coffee, Bible, and notebook and curled up on my bed which is my normal morning routine. This morning though I spent more time sipping my coffee and just sitting in silence. I was thinking that when I go into my house (I mean God's house) it will be the most empty I have seen it in years. That thought brought such sadness and I was running out of energy to get going in the day. Then another thought occurred to me--I could fill the rooms with prayers! Instead of feeling sorry for myself I began filling my head and thoughts with people--the people who would be moving in and visiting.
So as I got to the house it was still a hard task. I even rode in with my mom so I would be forced to get there and stay put till the house was cleaned and ready. She dropped me off and I got to my final cleaning. I started listening to music as I went about cleaning to get my energy going. Then I turned off the music and just paused in each room and began to pray for the parents, kids, and any future guests they would have. I prayed they would grow as a family and be strengthened in the Lord.
I prayed the house would stay stable and low maintenance so as to keep this family warm and safe. I asked that their jobs would continue so they could continue to pay the rent so as I could pay the mortgage. It was still sad and I still cried, but instead of leaving the house empty it was filled with prayers.
Isaiah 56:7
"Even those I will bring to My holy mountain and make them joyful in My house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be acceptable on My altar; For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Where Do I Go From Here? (Matthew 6:25-34)
I am in a really tough season in my life. Perhaps the toughest so far. I believe it started when I came back from the D. R. Congo in February, 2014. I had endured some pretty rough spiritual oppression and physical illness while I was there. I'm not the same person I was and a spiritual darkness kind of creeped in. I wasn't able to pin point it till now.
This I did not realize until a month or so after a break up in August 2015. I had not anticipated the pain and struggles a break up would bring. No one really talks about the struggle of breaking up...especially out of a serious relationship. I stayed faithful to be in God's Word everyday and to make sure I poured my heart out to Him. But I was still struggling. I tried to reach out to others...perhaps I didn't know how to communicate my struggles correctly. I did not get the support and encouragement I needed. I went to my counselor. It was kind of helpful...but everything I was being told I already knew.
Work was getting more and more of a struggle and add in a supportive godly guy that has never pursued me and the rebounding that began to surface from that as well. I was getting more and more exhausted and more and more depressed. I found myself alone too much. When I was alone I would either cry my eyes out or watch TV to numb and forget my emotions. I'd go to bed at 7:30-8pm every night. I'd still get up at 5:30 or 6:00 am and go before the Lord. Read His Word and refocus for the day. These moments are what have continued to see me through.
I was advised to go to the doctor--so I finally did. He put me on medical leave from work for 30 days, prescribed anti-depressants, and took some blood work. This circumstance gave me opportunity to be relieved from two of my hardest battles and I praise God for His provision and timing. Come to find out a huge part of my problem was a vitamin D deficiency. Very common, but still very much of an issue! I'm now off of the antidepressants and the energy level and healthy emotions are back up--praise God!
During my time off of work I slept, cried, took my vitamins, visited family, journaled, read the Bible, and continued to reach out to others for help. I even learned a great new technique for dealing with my crazy emotions.
I also had to come to grips with some realities.
1. I am alone. I do not have a husband or children. I have family and friends, but no one or no specific group that has committed to me nor I to them. I do not have a handful of people that will always be there for me. I don't have regular confirmation or encouragement, nor do I give regular confirmation or encouragement to others. Yes--God is my rock and yes I know I am not alone as my Creator and Savior is always with me. But I do not have a companion or a group of friends like the paralyzed man in the Bible whose friends carried him to Jesus. It is not good for man to be alone-- and I am. So where do I go from here knowing this?
2. I am selfish and prideful. I want to be used of the Lord...but what have my motivations been? To have others notice me and tell me what a great woman of God I am?! I have battled internal thoughts of silently suffering while watching others freely working through their joys and struggles. I try to share and am met with others whose problems are bigger and more immediate than mine. I then have a struggle of questioning why others get their needs met but I don't? Why am I the one that notices when others need help and help them, but no one sees me struggling and offers to help me? I look at how the Lord has gifted me and I feel like I am not being asked to participate or help with the gifts I have. Others are serving and instead of praising God for using my siblings in Christ, I ask "why is no one asking me to do this work. I would be great at it!" Where do I go from here?
3. I cannot stay at my job. The struggles of 6 years of trying to improve and work hard with no support or recognition has reached its limit. Work is a mess and a time bomb. If I don't get out from the mess that I continually have to solve and carry others, it will blow up in my face and no one will even care. So I gave a two week notice and I am now officially unemployed. Where do I go from here?
So where do I go from here? I had to first think logically and practically--no job, I need to pay my mortgage. I reached out and found a family that has agreed to rent my house from me for a year. My parents agreed to let me live temporarily with them until I can get another job or figure out the next step. This solved two specific needs--I'm not alone and financially I can pay my mortgage. Well, actually this solved all three. It is very humbling for a responsible and independent woman to quit her job and have to move back in with her parents. And with my parents comes two foster care teenage girls...so the selfishness will go away as I am forced daily to consider at least four others as more important than myself.
I've come to see that until I come humbly to the face of God and remember who I am without Him I am nothing. And yes I have all these gifts, but if I have not love (1 Cor. 13) I am nothing!
God does see my struggles and He does care. I have open access to cry out to the Lord at any moment in time--I need to use that access. I also need to be reminded of who God is. So I've begun to read the Psalms. A combination of relearning how to cry out and praise the Lord as well as be reminded of God's steadfast love that endures forever.
So for now, I take one day at a time. I humble myself in the sight of the Lord. I listen more and talk less. I have also started to think each evening of things I am grateful for or thankful for. I ask how I can help. I also have pushed back on those in my church and asked for help. God is providing. I don't know what is next, but I do know that I need to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness...and this passage comes with a promise: "and all these things will be added to you". So where do I go from here? I will close with this verse in its context:
Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV)
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
This I did not realize until a month or so after a break up in August 2015. I had not anticipated the pain and struggles a break up would bring. No one really talks about the struggle of breaking up...especially out of a serious relationship. I stayed faithful to be in God's Word everyday and to make sure I poured my heart out to Him. But I was still struggling. I tried to reach out to others...perhaps I didn't know how to communicate my struggles correctly. I did not get the support and encouragement I needed. I went to my counselor. It was kind of helpful...but everything I was being told I already knew.
Work was getting more and more of a struggle and add in a supportive godly guy that has never pursued me and the rebounding that began to surface from that as well. I was getting more and more exhausted and more and more depressed. I found myself alone too much. When I was alone I would either cry my eyes out or watch TV to numb and forget my emotions. I'd go to bed at 7:30-8pm every night. I'd still get up at 5:30 or 6:00 am and go before the Lord. Read His Word and refocus for the day. These moments are what have continued to see me through.
I was advised to go to the doctor--so I finally did. He put me on medical leave from work for 30 days, prescribed anti-depressants, and took some blood work. This circumstance gave me opportunity to be relieved from two of my hardest battles and I praise God for His provision and timing. Come to find out a huge part of my problem was a vitamin D deficiency. Very common, but still very much of an issue! I'm now off of the antidepressants and the energy level and healthy emotions are back up--praise God!
During my time off of work I slept, cried, took my vitamins, visited family, journaled, read the Bible, and continued to reach out to others for help. I even learned a great new technique for dealing with my crazy emotions.
I also had to come to grips with some realities.
1. I am alone. I do not have a husband or children. I have family and friends, but no one or no specific group that has committed to me nor I to them. I do not have a handful of people that will always be there for me. I don't have regular confirmation or encouragement, nor do I give regular confirmation or encouragement to others. Yes--God is my rock and yes I know I am not alone as my Creator and Savior is always with me. But I do not have a companion or a group of friends like the paralyzed man in the Bible whose friends carried him to Jesus. It is not good for man to be alone-- and I am. So where do I go from here knowing this?
2. I am selfish and prideful. I want to be used of the Lord...but what have my motivations been? To have others notice me and tell me what a great woman of God I am?! I have battled internal thoughts of silently suffering while watching others freely working through their joys and struggles. I try to share and am met with others whose problems are bigger and more immediate than mine. I then have a struggle of questioning why others get their needs met but I don't? Why am I the one that notices when others need help and help them, but no one sees me struggling and offers to help me? I look at how the Lord has gifted me and I feel like I am not being asked to participate or help with the gifts I have. Others are serving and instead of praising God for using my siblings in Christ, I ask "why is no one asking me to do this work. I would be great at it!" Where do I go from here?
3. I cannot stay at my job. The struggles of 6 years of trying to improve and work hard with no support or recognition has reached its limit. Work is a mess and a time bomb. If I don't get out from the mess that I continually have to solve and carry others, it will blow up in my face and no one will even care. So I gave a two week notice and I am now officially unemployed. Where do I go from here?
So where do I go from here? I had to first think logically and practically--no job, I need to pay my mortgage. I reached out and found a family that has agreed to rent my house from me for a year. My parents agreed to let me live temporarily with them until I can get another job or figure out the next step. This solved two specific needs--I'm not alone and financially I can pay my mortgage. Well, actually this solved all three. It is very humbling for a responsible and independent woman to quit her job and have to move back in with her parents. And with my parents comes two foster care teenage girls...so the selfishness will go away as I am forced daily to consider at least four others as more important than myself.
I've come to see that until I come humbly to the face of God and remember who I am without Him I am nothing. And yes I have all these gifts, but if I have not love (1 Cor. 13) I am nothing!
God does see my struggles and He does care. I have open access to cry out to the Lord at any moment in time--I need to use that access. I also need to be reminded of who God is. So I've begun to read the Psalms. A combination of relearning how to cry out and praise the Lord as well as be reminded of God's steadfast love that endures forever.
So for now, I take one day at a time. I humble myself in the sight of the Lord. I listen more and talk less. I have also started to think each evening of things I am grateful for or thankful for. I ask how I can help. I also have pushed back on those in my church and asked for help. God is providing. I don't know what is next, but I do know that I need to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness...and this passage comes with a promise: "and all these things will be added to you". So where do I go from here? I will close with this verse in its context:
Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV)
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Pray for Rain in the Rainy Season-- and let God Provide (Zech. 10)
Zechariah 10:1 (ESV) www.biblegateway.com
Ask rain from the Lord
in the season of the spring rain,
from the Lord who makes the storm clouds,
and he will give them showers of rain,
to everyone the vegetation in the field
I have come to an end (for now) in my reading of Zechariah. Chapter 10 recently stuck out to me as I was praying and reading. "Pray for rain from the LORD in the season of spring rain." First--God is the provider of rain...and everything else we need. Yet there is a season for rain.
I find myself praying for future things so often, even this very morning. Yet this verse struck me to start asking--God what season am I in? And what do I need to be asking for in this current season of my life? Looking forward and planning a future is wise. But if I am only looking to the future and not this current spring rain season, I need to revisit how I'm delighting in the LORD in the moment.
I continued to read this chapter and noticed a repeated phrase: I will
v 3 "I will punish the leaders..."
v6 I will strengthen, I will save, I will bring them back
v8 I will whistle (love that!) for them and gather them in
v10 I will bring them home; I will bring them to the land
All of these things our God promised to do--will is future tense...things that are to come. These future actions are God's work. This passage even talks about Jesus, the cornerstone that shall be coming (v4)!
Such a great reminder for us to apply this passage to remember we need to pray to the Lord who provides. And let us pray for the things we need in the right season, and let us watch God do the future work that He will do! We can rest in that truth!
Zechariah 10:12
I will make them strong in the Lord,
and they shall walk in his name,
declares the Lord.
Ask rain from the Lord
in the season of the spring rain,
from the Lord who makes the storm clouds,
and he will give them showers of rain,
to everyone the vegetation in the field
I have come to an end (for now) in my reading of Zechariah. Chapter 10 recently stuck out to me as I was praying and reading. "Pray for rain from the LORD in the season of spring rain." First--God is the provider of rain...and everything else we need. Yet there is a season for rain.
I find myself praying for future things so often, even this very morning. Yet this verse struck me to start asking--God what season am I in? And what do I need to be asking for in this current season of my life? Looking forward and planning a future is wise. But if I am only looking to the future and not this current spring rain season, I need to revisit how I'm delighting in the LORD in the moment.
I continued to read this chapter and noticed a repeated phrase: I will
v 3 "I will punish the leaders..."
v6 I will strengthen, I will save, I will bring them back
v8 I will whistle (love that!) for them and gather them in
v10 I will bring them home; I will bring them to the land
All of these things our God promised to do--will is future tense...things that are to come. These future actions are God's work. This passage even talks about Jesus, the cornerstone that shall be coming (v4)!
Such a great reminder for us to apply this passage to remember we need to pray to the Lord who provides. And let us pray for the things we need in the right season, and let us watch God do the future work that He will do! We can rest in that truth!
Zechariah 10:12
I will make them strong in the Lord,
and they shall walk in his name,
declares the Lord.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Delight in Depression?
How can I delight in the Lord while I'm in depression? I'll work through this, but in short here is the reality: God is still God no matter what is going on in my life and my emotions. He's got this and He's got me.
Now lets break it down. He was a good guy. He loves Jesus, knows God's word--he even loved me...and I'm pretty sure I loved him. He was a great boyfriend, but God showed me he was not to be my future husband. This was confirmed by those invested in me and closest to me. So we broke up.
This was my first break up. It was only 4.5 months, but some things happened during this time that has caused me to go into depression. First off--just missing my friend. That alone can be hard.
I also finally allowed a part of me to open up. The deep desire to be a wife--a godly, faithful, caring, and fun wife. I had never let that part of me come out--there was never a reason to before.
So now knowing I made the right decision to break up, I now have this part of me that I loved being that I have to...well... I'm not sure yet. I guess stuff it back in? Shut that part of me down? This is where the deep depression comes out. I saw how great of a wife I would be and I loved it. I loved the idea of getting to be a help mate and to have someone committed to me. Yes we pursued purity, we "guarded our hearts" as best we could--but how do you date without letting that part of you out?
And now that it is over what do I do? I'm so tired of being an independent woman who just keeps going and takes care of everything alone. I'm done. I'm still hoping in the Lord...but I've got to take a break. So how am I going to still delight in the Lord while going through this depression?
Well, first, I had to admit I was depressed...I am depressed. Next--talk to God! Cry my eyes out. And go somewhere where I am with others. I am at my parents for the weekend. I have found a friend to come and stay with me for a little while. And I am going to go to a professional counselor. I'm also listening to good deep hymns and songs that point my brain to praising the Lord. These are all good steps. I am still struggling...and if you're local...I could do with some kind loving if you get a chance. If nothing else--pray.
God lead me (and search engine on depressed on biblegateway.com) to Psalm 42. Just what I needed to express the combination of delighting in the Lord in the midst of depression. So how do we do this? I point us to God's Word:
Now lets break it down. He was a good guy. He loves Jesus, knows God's word--he even loved me...and I'm pretty sure I loved him. He was a great boyfriend, but God showed me he was not to be my future husband. This was confirmed by those invested in me and closest to me. So we broke up.
This was my first break up. It was only 4.5 months, but some things happened during this time that has caused me to go into depression. First off--just missing my friend. That alone can be hard.
I also finally allowed a part of me to open up. The deep desire to be a wife--a godly, faithful, caring, and fun wife. I had never let that part of me come out--there was never a reason to before.
So now knowing I made the right decision to break up, I now have this part of me that I loved being that I have to...well... I'm not sure yet. I guess stuff it back in? Shut that part of me down? This is where the deep depression comes out. I saw how great of a wife I would be and I loved it. I loved the idea of getting to be a help mate and to have someone committed to me. Yes we pursued purity, we "guarded our hearts" as best we could--but how do you date without letting that part of you out?
And now that it is over what do I do? I'm so tired of being an independent woman who just keeps going and takes care of everything alone. I'm done. I'm still hoping in the Lord...but I've got to take a break. So how am I going to still delight in the Lord while going through this depression?
Well, first, I had to admit I was depressed...I am depressed. Next--talk to God! Cry my eyes out. And go somewhere where I am with others. I am at my parents for the weekend. I have found a friend to come and stay with me for a little while. And I am going to go to a professional counselor. I'm also listening to good deep hymns and songs that point my brain to praising the Lord. These are all good steps. I am still struggling...and if you're local...I could do with some kind loving if you get a chance. If nothing else--pray.
God lead me (and search engine on depressed on biblegateway.com) to Psalm 42. Just what I needed to express the combination of delighting in the Lord in the midst of depression. So how do we do this? I point us to God's Word:
Psalm 42
As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation 6 and my God.
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation 6 and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8 By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8 By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Self Evaluation
In my own life I desire to give God glory as I delight in
Him and live life in a way that demonstrates my delight is first in
Christ. How do I do that? I have to self-evaluate my own life first,
then compare it to the attributes of Christ.
What (or who) do I catch myself thinking about the
most? What do I talk about the most? What do I spend the majority of my money
on? What do I complain about? What do I fret about?
There are things we have to spend money on and talk about…but
when I am talking about self-evaluation I mean when I have a choice to talk
about whatever I want…what am I choosing to talk about? When I let my mind wander…where do my
thoughts go to? Then I have to ask—are any
of these things bringing God glory? Am I
delighting in the Lord? Can I truly say
night and day I meditate on God’s law?
(paraphrase from Psalm 119) If I find that I do not—I have to take some time to confess
those things to the Lord. Then I need to
let God change me and mold me. I may have to give some things up or start some
new practices.
Here are some verses to encourage us to evaluate our lives
individually to see how we are delighting and who or what we are delighting
most in. I pray that our desire is to
delight first in the Lord and that others in our daily interactions see in us a
consistent way of living that demonstrates that truth.
Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV) “Search me, O God, and know my
heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
Psalm 19:13-14 (ESV) “Keep back your servant also from
presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of
great transgression. Let the words of my
mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD,
my rock and my redeemer.”
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Online Dating as a Fleece?! God's provision & direction in unique ways!
As I've continued irregularly writing on this blog there have been times where I have noted that I am single and have never dated. As a single woman who has an ongoing desire for marriage, there has always been a struggle. Yet God has not only been gracious in my life in this area--but His truth that He will always provide for me has continued to be evident in my life. God has taught me how to thrive in this season.
After going through a season of realizing marriage was an idol to me, I confessed that sin about a year ago (July 5th, 2014 to be exact). I have continued going in God's love and truth living as a single woman. I have moments of struggle, but truly content knowing that I trust God and know He has His best plan for my life. I was not going to force getting my way as much as I desired marriage.
I have been on 2-3 online dating sites, one proactively for about 3 years. Honestly I joined because my wonderful mother asked me to consider it as she and my father have prayed for years for all of their children's spouses or future spouses. (My mom told me once that she began praying for her children when she was 15 years old!) So I complied, but was never approached or even sent an email or comment indicating an interest in me for over three years.
So I honored my parents, still desired to be pursued, but wasn't--so if anyone would ask me from time to time why I wasn't married or dating anyone, I would just respond--I've never been pursued. Now we fast forward to Valentine's day 2015. I went out with a group of single gals. We had a great lunch and then we went to a pottery place where we would pick out some pottery and paint it. It was a grand time and I continue to thank God for these women in my life.
The next week I had a wonderful time praying to the Lord and reading His word, but I also was struggling with the reality of the life I believe God had for me. So I spent several hours struggling through and asking God--do you really want me single the rest of my life? Then I thought, what would be a good way to confirm God's plan for my marital status?
How about one more online dating site? I've never been pursued so I didn't see the potential in it. In fact it would kind of be a sure way for God to confirm His plan for me to be single. So I did some budgeting and picked the top rated dating site.
On February 18, 2015, I prayed to the Lord and laid out this fleece (this term is from Judges chapter 6 when Gideon wanted to confirm God's direction). "Father, you know that I still desire to be married. You also know that I am content to joyously thrive in whatever season you give me, knowing that you will always be my provider. I have always said that if I can't have a marriage as healthy as my parents and how my dad loves my mom, I'd rather be single the rest of my life. So I am putting out this fleece. Using the money you have given to me, I'm going to buy a 6 month subscription to this site. I will create a profile, but I am not going to do any of the pursuing. I'm not going to even comment on any guys profile. I am just putting myself out there. If your plan for me is marriage than I pray that a godly man will pursue me using this website. If I am not seriously pursued in these 6 months, than I will end my subscription and go in your grace and mercy and thrive as a single woman. God I trust you with all aspects of my life and more than anything I want or desire--I desire You and I desire to bring you glory. If being single will bring you more glory, than confirm that by no one pursuing me, but if being married will bring you more glory--than may my future husband find me and pursue me! Amen."
I would check the site 2-3 times a week. I gave an email address that I didn't check very often to keep me from being too distracted. I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the amount of attention I got even in the first week! Just having any guys comment or initiate communication was very flattering. I began responding back and praying for discernment.
The first weekend in March, I went to the women's weekend with the Charles Simeon Trust. It was a great weekend and I was humbled and spiritually refreshed. I made some new friends and caught up with my dear cousins. The next week I went through my online profile, ensuring that I had at least responded back to the guys that had taken the courage to initiate conversation with me. I had responded back to everyone accept one particular guy. I first thought--I don't remember this one initiating conversation. Why didn't I respond back? Then I read his profile: loves the Lord, loves studying the Bible and teaching when he gets the chance. Desires a wife that would be loyal and also would enjoy studying the Bible and maybe even discuss theology. And I say to myself "How did I miss this guy!?"
So I responded to his questions, and sent him questions, and so began the back and forth getting to know one another online. I continued to bathe this interaction in prayer and talked about it with some trusted friends and family. Our first date was Palm Sunday, March 29, 2015.
Here we are over 3 months later, dating and growing in the Lord and in our relationship together! We are in a relationship with the future looking towards marriage. This is a new season full of its joys, hiccups, humbling moments, and learning lessons.
There is more to come I'm sure, but one thing that the Lord has clearly shown me--He loves me and He has not changed. This man who is pursuing me, who is also God's child cannot be earned and I have done nothing to deserve him, and he has done nothing to deserve me. This relationship, however long it may last, is a gift from God. I am to entrust this dear man to God, knowing that God is still my provider and the only way this relationship will last and bring God glory is if we are centered on Christ individually and as a couple.
We desire others to come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. We want our relationship to be one that others can follow and see how dependance on God first, then each other, is the pattern that not only helps a lasting friendship, but frees us from putting the other person higher than we ought.
I'll end this post with a passage that has been one to remind me where my heart and actions should continue to be.
1 John 4:7-21 (ESV) 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
After going through a season of realizing marriage was an idol to me, I confessed that sin about a year ago (July 5th, 2014 to be exact). I have continued going in God's love and truth living as a single woman. I have moments of struggle, but truly content knowing that I trust God and know He has His best plan for my life. I was not going to force getting my way as much as I desired marriage.
I have been on 2-3 online dating sites, one proactively for about 3 years. Honestly I joined because my wonderful mother asked me to consider it as she and my father have prayed for years for all of their children's spouses or future spouses. (My mom told me once that she began praying for her children when she was 15 years old!) So I complied, but was never approached or even sent an email or comment indicating an interest in me for over three years.
So I honored my parents, still desired to be pursued, but wasn't--so if anyone would ask me from time to time why I wasn't married or dating anyone, I would just respond--I've never been pursued. Now we fast forward to Valentine's day 2015. I went out with a group of single gals. We had a great lunch and then we went to a pottery place where we would pick out some pottery and paint it. It was a grand time and I continue to thank God for these women in my life.
The next week I had a wonderful time praying to the Lord and reading His word, but I also was struggling with the reality of the life I believe God had for me. So I spent several hours struggling through and asking God--do you really want me single the rest of my life? Then I thought, what would be a good way to confirm God's plan for my marital status?
How about one more online dating site? I've never been pursued so I didn't see the potential in it. In fact it would kind of be a sure way for God to confirm His plan for me to be single. So I did some budgeting and picked the top rated dating site.
On February 18, 2015, I prayed to the Lord and laid out this fleece (this term is from Judges chapter 6 when Gideon wanted to confirm God's direction). "Father, you know that I still desire to be married. You also know that I am content to joyously thrive in whatever season you give me, knowing that you will always be my provider. I have always said that if I can't have a marriage as healthy as my parents and how my dad loves my mom, I'd rather be single the rest of my life. So I am putting out this fleece. Using the money you have given to me, I'm going to buy a 6 month subscription to this site. I will create a profile, but I am not going to do any of the pursuing. I'm not going to even comment on any guys profile. I am just putting myself out there. If your plan for me is marriage than I pray that a godly man will pursue me using this website. If I am not seriously pursued in these 6 months, than I will end my subscription and go in your grace and mercy and thrive as a single woman. God I trust you with all aspects of my life and more than anything I want or desire--I desire You and I desire to bring you glory. If being single will bring you more glory, than confirm that by no one pursuing me, but if being married will bring you more glory--than may my future husband find me and pursue me! Amen."
I would check the site 2-3 times a week. I gave an email address that I didn't check very often to keep me from being too distracted. I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the amount of attention I got even in the first week! Just having any guys comment or initiate communication was very flattering. I began responding back and praying for discernment.
The first weekend in March, I went to the women's weekend with the Charles Simeon Trust. It was a great weekend and I was humbled and spiritually refreshed. I made some new friends and caught up with my dear cousins. The next week I went through my online profile, ensuring that I had at least responded back to the guys that had taken the courage to initiate conversation with me. I had responded back to everyone accept one particular guy. I first thought--I don't remember this one initiating conversation. Why didn't I respond back? Then I read his profile: loves the Lord, loves studying the Bible and teaching when he gets the chance. Desires a wife that would be loyal and also would enjoy studying the Bible and maybe even discuss theology. And I say to myself "How did I miss this guy!?"
So I responded to his questions, and sent him questions, and so began the back and forth getting to know one another online. I continued to bathe this interaction in prayer and talked about it with some trusted friends and family. Our first date was Palm Sunday, March 29, 2015.
Here we are over 3 months later, dating and growing in the Lord and in our relationship together! We are in a relationship with the future looking towards marriage. This is a new season full of its joys, hiccups, humbling moments, and learning lessons.
There is more to come I'm sure, but one thing that the Lord has clearly shown me--He loves me and He has not changed. This man who is pursuing me, who is also God's child cannot be earned and I have done nothing to deserve him, and he has done nothing to deserve me. This relationship, however long it may last, is a gift from God. I am to entrust this dear man to God, knowing that God is still my provider and the only way this relationship will last and bring God glory is if we are centered on Christ individually and as a couple.
We desire others to come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. We want our relationship to be one that others can follow and see how dependance on God first, then each other, is the pattern that not only helps a lasting friendship, but frees us from putting the other person higher than we ought.
I'll end this post with a passage that has been one to remind me where my heart and actions should continue to be.
1 John 4:7-21 (ESV) 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
The Heart of Obedience
Last week I touched on our need to obey God and some issues through the book of Jeremiah that Judah was not willing to turn from their idol worship and obey God. I challenged us to be willing to obey before God "helped" us obey, i.e. discipline/punishment, as Jeremiah was called to warn Judah of.
Thinking more about the book of Jeremiah, and looking historically in 2 Kings, we see that King Josiah (he was 8 when he started to rule!) decided to bring back the law and try to clean up the idol worship. 2 Kings 23:25 (ESV) "before him (King Josiah) there was no king like him, who turned to the LORD with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the Law of Moses, nor did any like him arise after him." Outwardly it looked like Judah (2 tribes of the nation of Israel after divide) was coming back to the LORD. They were doing lip service and following their king. 2 Kings 22:3 (ESV) "and the king (King Josiah) stood by the pillar and made a covenant before the LORD, to walk after the LORD and to keep his commandments and his testimonies and his statues with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of this covenant that were written in this book. And all the people joined in the covenant." But as we read in Jeremiah, their hearts were not following the King. Jeremiah 17:5 (ESV) "thus says the LORD: "cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD."
It is true that there are times when Israel/Judah was called to just obey, and we can apply that to our lives. I may not want to be kind to those around me, but sometimes I need to just obey. But we cannot live our lives in an ongoing obligation mode. Something must change in our hearts. It is a choice we make, and it is the Holy Spirit (those of us who have believed and trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior and God) who helps us to have softened hearts towards the things of God. When that happens the obedience is just an overflow of our hearts.
It is one thing to have charge of a compliant child. Things get done, there seems to be peace. Oh but how much better is it to have a child that has a softened heart by God and they trust and obey you because their hearts are obedient. That is God's desire for us as His children.
Jeremiah 17:9-10 (ESV) "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."
Quote from the notes in Gospel Transformation Bible (ESV), Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
In reference to Jeremiah 17:9-10
"The heart--that is, the center of willing and desiring that drives all that we do-is so deceitful that none can really understand it. But the Lord can and does search our inmost thoughts, and nothing is hidden from him (cf. 1 Cor. 4:5). Ezekiel saw the need for God to give us cleansed and renewed hearts (Ezek. 36:25-28). Jesus recalls Ezekiel's words when he declares to Nicodemus the need to be born of water and the Spirit (John 3:5).
Sin will continue to cling to us our whole lives long, but the gospel of grace does not simply forgive us and then leave us as we were. God changes us. He gives us a thirst for holiness and re-sensitizes us to true beauty. We become human again."
May we be ready as Christians to be obedient even when we don't want to. Let's not stop there...Let us pray that God would change our hearts towards the attitude and mindset that would bring Him glory. Our joy will overflow, we will serve others with a cheerful heart, and we may end up being asked why we are the way we are and be given an opportunity to share the Gospel and the Hope we have in Christ Jesus.
Thinking more about the book of Jeremiah, and looking historically in 2 Kings, we see that King Josiah (he was 8 when he started to rule!) decided to bring back the law and try to clean up the idol worship. 2 Kings 23:25 (ESV) "before him (King Josiah) there was no king like him, who turned to the LORD with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the Law of Moses, nor did any like him arise after him." Outwardly it looked like Judah (2 tribes of the nation of Israel after divide) was coming back to the LORD. They were doing lip service and following their king. 2 Kings 22:3 (ESV) "and the king (King Josiah) stood by the pillar and made a covenant before the LORD, to walk after the LORD and to keep his commandments and his testimonies and his statues with all his heart and all his soul, to perform the words of this covenant that were written in this book. And all the people joined in the covenant." But as we read in Jeremiah, their hearts were not following the King. Jeremiah 17:5 (ESV) "thus says the LORD: "cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD."
It is true that there are times when Israel/Judah was called to just obey, and we can apply that to our lives. I may not want to be kind to those around me, but sometimes I need to just obey. But we cannot live our lives in an ongoing obligation mode. Something must change in our hearts. It is a choice we make, and it is the Holy Spirit (those of us who have believed and trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior and God) who helps us to have softened hearts towards the things of God. When that happens the obedience is just an overflow of our hearts.
It is one thing to have charge of a compliant child. Things get done, there seems to be peace. Oh but how much better is it to have a child that has a softened heart by God and they trust and obey you because their hearts are obedient. That is God's desire for us as His children.
Jeremiah 17:9-10 (ESV) "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."
Quote from the notes in Gospel Transformation Bible (ESV), Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
In reference to Jeremiah 17:9-10
"The heart--that is, the center of willing and desiring that drives all that we do-is so deceitful that none can really understand it. But the Lord can and does search our inmost thoughts, and nothing is hidden from him (cf. 1 Cor. 4:5). Ezekiel saw the need for God to give us cleansed and renewed hearts (Ezek. 36:25-28). Jesus recalls Ezekiel's words when he declares to Nicodemus the need to be born of water and the Spirit (John 3:5).
Sin will continue to cling to us our whole lives long, but the gospel of grace does not simply forgive us and then leave us as we were. God changes us. He gives us a thirst for holiness and re-sensitizes us to true beauty. We become human again."
May we be ready as Christians to be obedient even when we don't want to. Let's not stop there...Let us pray that God would change our hearts towards the attitude and mindset that would bring Him glory. Our joy will overflow, we will serve others with a cheerful heart, and we may end up being asked why we are the way we are and be given an opportunity to share the Gospel and the Hope we have in Christ Jesus.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Obey Or I will Help You Obey
Early this week I had the honor of being "dorm Aunt" to 7 of my nieces and nephews. The evening after supper was filled with baths, pjs, teeth brushing, devotions, then bed. The older kids were able to stay up and we played a game before they were hearded off to bed. In the morning the routine was getting everyone up (if they hadn't woken up yet) and ready. Then we'd all head over to Grandpa and Grandma's house and I'd head off to work.
At one point in the morning one of the little ones was not following my direction. I repeated again what to do...with still no response. I then said "are you going to obey or do I need to help you obey!?" The little one then straightened up and went quickly into obedience. I have often used this phrase and it usually always works. There is is the rare time I have to "help" them obey.
In Sunday school at my church we have been going through the book of Jeremiah. We are only to chapter 11, but I have already been learning so much! What a heart this dear prophet Jeremiah had. And the continued just love of God! One of the themes I have found has been obedience and "they did not obey the word of God." (passages with the word obey, obedience, did not obey: Jeremiah 3:13,25; 7:23-24,28; 9:13; 11:7-8; 22:4-5,21; 25:8; 26:13; 32:23; 34:10,17; 35:8,10,14,16,18; 38:20; 40:3; 42:6,21)
God was fed up after continuing to repeat Himself through the prophets. He was giving one more final warning "Obey or I will help you obey!" i.e. come back to me or a nation you do not yet know (Babylon) will come in and destroy all you hold dear and you will be taken captive for 70s years till you can learn to trust me and obey me.
Some things I gleaned from these passages so far:
Harsh words--The language used is very strong and somewhat harsh, but it has been long awaited and perhaps overdue (although God's timing is perfect in how He deals with His people). Are there times in your life where people in leadership have "lost it" and yelled at you? Although they are not God, was there some validity in their tone? Are there times when we need some sturn language from the Bible or others to wake us up to look at our actions?
Warnings--God again and again first with Israel (who had been dispersed by this time), and now with Judah...to repent and turn away from idols. Instead of trusting God to provide for their food, family, and other necessities, the Hebrews were looking at gods to provide. Application: What areas in our lives are we asking God for wisdom, direction, and provision...then we go and "answer" our own prayers without trusting and waiting for God? Are we relying on technology, people, jobs, money, etc. more than being still and letting the Living Word aline our lives with Christ?
Repent--God was calling Judah to repent from the way they were living and even the way they were thinking as they were surrounding themselves with the culture of their day. Are there areas in our lives that we are allowing our culture to determine how we live our lives rather than what Scripture says? When God reveals things to us through the Bible and through other believers, are we willing to repent, confess, and let God take control of that area in our life?
In short: Are we going to obey...or does God need to help us obey?
At one point in the morning one of the little ones was not following my direction. I repeated again what to do...with still no response. I then said "are you going to obey or do I need to help you obey!?" The little one then straightened up and went quickly into obedience. I have often used this phrase and it usually always works. There is is the rare time I have to "help" them obey.
In Sunday school at my church we have been going through the book of Jeremiah. We are only to chapter 11, but I have already been learning so much! What a heart this dear prophet Jeremiah had. And the continued just love of God! One of the themes I have found has been obedience and "they did not obey the word of God." (passages with the word obey, obedience, did not obey: Jeremiah 3:13,25; 7:23-24,28; 9:13; 11:7-8; 22:4-5,21; 25:8; 26:13; 32:23; 34:10,17; 35:8,10,14,16,18; 38:20; 40:3; 42:6,21)
Jeremiah, with the direction of God, pleaded with Judah to repent and come back into obedience to God. Jeremiah 3:24-25(ESV) 24 “But
from our youth the shameful thing has devoured all for which our
fathers labored, their flocks and their herds, their sons and their
daughters. 25 Let us lie down in our shame, and let our dishonor cover us. For we have sinned against the Lord our God, we and our fathers, from our youth even to this day, and we have not obeyed the voice of the Lord our God.”
God was fed up after continuing to repeat Himself through the prophets. He was giving one more final warning "Obey or I will help you obey!" i.e. come back to me or a nation you do not yet know (Babylon) will come in and destroy all you hold dear and you will be taken captive for 70s years till you can learn to trust me and obey me.
Some things I gleaned from these passages so far:
Harsh words--The language used is very strong and somewhat harsh, but it has been long awaited and perhaps overdue (although God's timing is perfect in how He deals with His people). Are there times in your life where people in leadership have "lost it" and yelled at you? Although they are not God, was there some validity in their tone? Are there times when we need some sturn language from the Bible or others to wake us up to look at our actions?
Warnings--God again and again first with Israel (who had been dispersed by this time), and now with Judah...to repent and turn away from idols. Instead of trusting God to provide for their food, family, and other necessities, the Hebrews were looking at gods to provide. Application: What areas in our lives are we asking God for wisdom, direction, and provision...then we go and "answer" our own prayers without trusting and waiting for God? Are we relying on technology, people, jobs, money, etc. more than being still and letting the Living Word aline our lives with Christ?
Repent--God was calling Judah to repent from the way they were living and even the way they were thinking as they were surrounding themselves with the culture of their day. Are there areas in our lives that we are allowing our culture to determine how we live our lives rather than what Scripture says? When God reveals things to us through the Bible and through other believers, are we willing to repent, confess, and let God take control of that area in our life?
In short: Are we going to obey...or does God need to help us obey?
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Bible Exposition--One to One discipleship
This past weekend was a weekend different from any other I have had yet. I was invited by my cousin to attend this Bible Exposition weekend for women. I registered in December, received the specific passages to work on, but didn't quite get the time I needed to dig in and study that I wanted to. I was overwhelmed, humbled, and felt more inadequate than I've ever felt in my Bible study/theology realm of life.
Yet I rejoice to the Lord because that is right where I needed to be in my life. I needed God's loving, gracious reminder that I have been taking His Word the Bible, and my Bible/Theology major for granted. Yes I know that I always have something to learn...but this experience of not doing well and in a way "failing," was needed.
I had not been taking the time to study in a way that aided my Bible study to change my life towards Christ. As I was not changing, I hadn't been using the study tools that I had been taught, and therefore, I wasn't helping anyone else either.
There were so many other women there that were actively involved in expository Bible studies with the women at their church. This was another element of humility for me. I also witnessed older women bringing younger women whom they had mentored to this weekend. It was such a beautiful picture of Paul's call in Titus 2:3-5. I must admit that I have continued to reach out to women in my church and pray for this type of discipleship--of which I am not receiving. I shall continue to pray.
I was also inspired and encouraged by this weekend. We were studying 1 Peter, each of us different sections and we would present to our small groups of 6-8. We would get feedback on our handouts, and we got to hear the other women's gleaning from their studies. Our weekend finished with one of the speakers/group leaders finishing up 1 Peter 5.
This was such a great finish as we were reminded that like us, Peter failed at the beginning with Jesus. Yet when Jesus came back from the dead Peter was forgiven and challenged to "feed my sheep." As we read 1 Peter we see how faithful Peter had been, 30 years later! 1 Peter is full of grace and focus on our true rock--Christ!
This also helped me to apply--yes I have failed, but like Peter, Jesus has not only forgiven me He has risen me up to learn, study, and teach other women. I have been challenged to come back home and start with one woman. From that, she would go on and grow & teach other women...and God will do the rest in my desire for women's ministry.
The goal is transformation of lives through the Gospel and for the glory of God. I cannot do that without Christ and I cannot hear God without rightly dividing the Word of God in the power of the Holy Spirit.
1 Peter 5:6-11 (exhortation to the elders dispersed in what is now known as present day Turkey)
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
Yet I rejoice to the Lord because that is right where I needed to be in my life. I needed God's loving, gracious reminder that I have been taking His Word the Bible, and my Bible/Theology major for granted. Yes I know that I always have something to learn...but this experience of not doing well and in a way "failing," was needed.
I had not been taking the time to study in a way that aided my Bible study to change my life towards Christ. As I was not changing, I hadn't been using the study tools that I had been taught, and therefore, I wasn't helping anyone else either.
There were so many other women there that were actively involved in expository Bible studies with the women at their church. This was another element of humility for me. I also witnessed older women bringing younger women whom they had mentored to this weekend. It was such a beautiful picture of Paul's call in Titus 2:3-5. I must admit that I have continued to reach out to women in my church and pray for this type of discipleship--of which I am not receiving. I shall continue to pray.
I was also inspired and encouraged by this weekend. We were studying 1 Peter, each of us different sections and we would present to our small groups of 6-8. We would get feedback on our handouts, and we got to hear the other women's gleaning from their studies. Our weekend finished with one of the speakers/group leaders finishing up 1 Peter 5.
This was such a great finish as we were reminded that like us, Peter failed at the beginning with Jesus. Yet when Jesus came back from the dead Peter was forgiven and challenged to "feed my sheep." As we read 1 Peter we see how faithful Peter had been, 30 years later! 1 Peter is full of grace and focus on our true rock--Christ!
This also helped me to apply--yes I have failed, but like Peter, Jesus has not only forgiven me He has risen me up to learn, study, and teach other women. I have been challenged to come back home and start with one woman. From that, she would go on and grow & teach other women...and God will do the rest in my desire for women's ministry.
The goal is transformation of lives through the Gospel and for the glory of God. I cannot do that without Christ and I cannot hear God without rightly dividing the Word of God in the power of the Holy Spirit.
1 Peter 5:6-11 (exhortation to the elders dispersed in what is now known as present day Turkey)
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Created for this Purpose--When you cared for the least of these...
As a licensed foster care parent I have had the opportunity to look inside of some experiences of what life is like for a foster child. Many of us look from outside a window and we all know some amazing folks that are foster parents and we applaud them for the great work they are doing.
Foster care is not something we decide to do for the glory...or for the money. To be honest I have not yet had any placements in my home, but my family has. My sister and parents all currently have children in their home.
Due to some recent events with the current kids in our family's care, a particular aspect of foster care has not only caught my attention, but my heart. What happens to these young adults when they reach 18? We recently had an experience of someone who was not ready to go into the real world as an adult...and now they are facing the consequences. Are they still responsible for their actions? Yes. But this dear young adult has never been given the proper tools for healthy survival.
My sister and I were chatting about the need for a transitional place just for these young adults coming out of the foster care system. I started to think about what would be needed for these young adults. Housing, adult advisers, therapists, living skills, transitional classes and practices, etc. There are transitional housing facilities out there. I am not sure though if there are any that you can go to without getting in trouble first.
So I started doing some research and I found such a place...but in a different state. The more I continued to think about this need I started praying. The more I prayed, the more I began to think--what is stopping me from starting such a place? Then I started to feel a confirmation.
I'm not sure about this journey quite yet, but I don't ever recall previously being so sure and excited about something than I do about this ministry. I do kind of feel a little like Jeremiah in the Bible though. I know that the sucess stories will not be as previlant as those who would support such a ministry would like. Who knows if there will be any success stories. But I'm not pursuing this for the success stories...I'm doing it because I feel this is what God has been creating me to do.
The gifts, skills, passions, etc. that would be needed to research, plan, present, delegate, etc., He has been crafting these things in me!
So my first steps are to continue praying as well as asking others to join me in praying. Next, research--looking at similar ministries and learning from them. I know this will be a long-term goal and I know it will take time and patience. My goal is to have a place like this by the time my current foster nieces (4, 6, 7) will need a place like this. If it happens before that--great!
So join me in praying if you would--if you know of such a place in Illinois, please direct me towards that. I will continue to press on, grow, learn, and move forward as I feel directed by the Lord. I also need to come up with a name.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
This is Your house...where the lost and the lonley bring their burdens and their cares
In November of 2012 I purchased a house. It was so exciting to move in and get the house set up. I started right away and dedicated the house to the Lord. I found the song online "This is your House" and sang along to the the song as a prayer and a commitment.
My house has and always will be God's house. It was such an incredible way that He provided it to me and who He used to help me on the house hunt and even the timing of the purchasing. I have never regretted this decision and I still catch myself sitting alone in my home and thinking...wow! Do I really get to live here!?
But a house without others can be a struggle to be a home. I have an open door, come on over policy. I continue to use my house for Bible study meetings, game nights, sleep overs, and fellowship nights.
I've recently been going through a personal struggle of lacking in community. I have learned that I have to be proactive to invite others over or invite myself over into their homes. God created us to be in community and I'm seeing more than ever that I need to do that.
I received my foster care license 6 months ago (July 2014) and have not yet had a placement. I have thought about having a roommate recently. I started praying about my need for community. Also how prone I am to selfishness when I live alone.
As I have prayed the passage 1 Peter 4:8-10 continues to come to mind. It probably helps that two of my decorations in my home have this passage on them. They were hand made gifts from two of my brothers & their wives. Offer Hospitality.
This weekend God used a social media to make me aware of a young girl that needs a place to stay. I don't know her and there is so much of a danger to let a stranger come and live with you. Yet that is fear. I know how to take precautions and I know how to lovingly set boundaries. I even know how to have a sit down chat with expectations already in hand. So why am I being so hesitant?
God gives us blessings so we can bless others. This gal not only needs a roof over her head, she needs the Lord Jesus in her life. She needs careful provision and love as she is in the transition mode of childhood to adulthood.
What better way is there for someone to come to know Christ than for them to live with someone who loves Jesus and loves them with the same love?!
Have I said yes yet? No I haven't. But I have reached out to meet this young gal to get to know her a bit and for me to continue praying and being open for God's direction. Perhaps in the next week or so things will be made clear about how I should proceed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwR60Grw8pE
My house has and always will be God's house. It was such an incredible way that He provided it to me and who He used to help me on the house hunt and even the timing of the purchasing. I have never regretted this decision and I still catch myself sitting alone in my home and thinking...wow! Do I really get to live here!?
But a house without others can be a struggle to be a home. I have an open door, come on over policy. I continue to use my house for Bible study meetings, game nights, sleep overs, and fellowship nights.
I've recently been going through a personal struggle of lacking in community. I have learned that I have to be proactive to invite others over or invite myself over into their homes. God created us to be in community and I'm seeing more than ever that I need to do that.
I received my foster care license 6 months ago (July 2014) and have not yet had a placement. I have thought about having a roommate recently. I started praying about my need for community. Also how prone I am to selfishness when I live alone.
As I have prayed the passage 1 Peter 4:8-10 continues to come to mind. It probably helps that two of my decorations in my home have this passage on them. They were hand made gifts from two of my brothers & their wives. Offer Hospitality.
This weekend God used a social media to make me aware of a young girl that needs a place to stay. I don't know her and there is so much of a danger to let a stranger come and live with you. Yet that is fear. I know how to take precautions and I know how to lovingly set boundaries. I even know how to have a sit down chat with expectations already in hand. So why am I being so hesitant?
God gives us blessings so we can bless others. This gal not only needs a roof over her head, she needs the Lord Jesus in her life. She needs careful provision and love as she is in the transition mode of childhood to adulthood.
What better way is there for someone to come to know Christ than for them to live with someone who loves Jesus and loves them with the same love?!
Have I said yes yet? No I haven't. But I have reached out to meet this young gal to get to know her a bit and for me to continue praying and being open for God's direction. Perhaps in the next week or so things will be made clear about how I should proceed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwR60Grw8pE
1 Peter 4:8-10 (ESV)
8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:
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