After reading the verse: “Delight yourself in the Lord and
He will give you the desires of your heart.”
(Psalm 37:4), I had a few quite moments at work where I let myself
silently dialog with the Lord. I thought
of the wording of this verse a bit differently than I had before. I’ve been thinking it means if I delight in
the Lord, then He’ll give me what my heart desires. But it isn’t worded this way. It says He’ll
give me the desires of my heart. Meaning
He chooses, selects certain desires that align with Him…and He causes me to
feel and want those desires. So perhaps
this verse doesn’t mean what I’ve always thought…or prayed towards. If I am delighting in the Lord—He will give
me what delights Him—His desires that become my heart’s desires.
Then my mind switched gears a little. Dear Heavenly Father, I’m delighting in you
and I still desire to be married. Please
provide me a husband. Is that my end
goal? No. Is that desire above what God would have for
me? No. So Lord, what’s your desire for
me?
You see, I’m 30, and I’m single. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even a serious pursuer. I can count on one hand the number of “dates”
I’ve ever been on. Yet I have a stirring
inside of me—a desire to be a helper, lover, and intimate friend. To work alongside my husband in ministry, to
be a mom and keep house. To learn more
of God through the experience of intimate family and feel the emotions of
having a child and understanding the heavenly Father’s ache of giving His only
Son up. These are legitimate and good
desires.
Last Sunday my pastor was preaching on the need for spouses
to be intimate (1 Cor. 7:1-5). He also
addressed those of us who are single need to practice celibacy. He also reminded us that we need to realize
that our singleness is a gift to do more than our married siblings-in-Christ
can when it comes to certain ministries.
Those thoughts came back to my mind as I thought about my
musings. Then I looked over at my desk
and saw a calculator. So how many years
exactly have I been “single.” I’ll start
with 18 and up to be fair. Twelve (12) years
I’ve been single. Then I thought how
long my folks were single before they married- four to five. I could handle that many more (I think). And then a friend who is a few years older—20
years single. Can I do that? Then I thought of a dear single woman who has
been in my life all my years. She’s 70,
which means 52 years of celibacy.
Wow. But then I began to think—ok
I have 40 more years to go before I’m 70.
An amazing thing happened at that moment. The Holy Spirit gave me the excitement of all
the things I could do in 40 years for God.
I could travel; I could run a ministry, business, etc. The sky is the limit as a single person! What I anticipated as a depressing sort of
sulking opportunity, God turned it into great possibilities by means of
numbers!
I do still desire to be married, but I desire more to
delight in the Lord and serve Him where (and how) I will be most effective for
His work, and how He will most be glorified.
May I delight in the Lord and may I be open to His desires
for my heart, above my heart’s desires.
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