Great is Your Faithfulness--What is Provision

I was tired, depressed, and broken.  I did not know how to fix these emotions.  No one knew how to help me.  I didn't even know what I needed.  A few days before I had a conversation with my sister.  It was a hard discussion but it brought truth into our lives and enriched our relationship.

Her prayer for me was that I would be able to discover what might be trapping me.  She did not know but she had the thought that perhaps something I believed was truth was a lie and it was keeping me from the freedom that God had for me.

I decided to take several hours one day without interruptions to be silent before the Lord and let Him reveal truth to me.  I took time to listen to worship music and read scripture.  I then just forced myself to sit in silence.  Nothing.  It took almost 2 hours to get my brain to just be still.

Then a thought hit me. The song Great is Your Faithfulness...all I have needed your hand has provided.  Then another thought--do I believe this?  A horrible feeling overtook me as I realized I did not believe this.  I did not believe that all I needed God had provided.  I placed many needs before Him and they were not mine.  I was not provided for.  Then this turned to anger.  I cried out to the Lord and asked him to help me to be able to grasp how I could sift through these emotions and get to what was true.

I had to confess my unbelief and to ask God to help me.  It was so humbling and painful to come to this realization that I did not believe God was providing.  Yet it was the breakthrough I needed.

I cried out about all the things I didn't think God was providing.  Then I just sat in silence and cried for a little bit.

A memory of a little girl came to my mind.  I had the opportunity to observe this sweet little child who had been removed from her home and put in a foster care home because of the abuse she underwent. This little one was hurt and confused.  On this day there was a grand meal set before her during a family dinner with her new family.  I watched as she placed two or three spaghetti noodles on her plate.  She then started to complain that she didn't have what she needed and she was hungry.  Her family tried to communicate with her there was a feast right before her.  All she had to do was look up at the table and get the food she needed.  

Then the thought "That is what you are doing Amy" came to mind.  All of the things I cried to the Lord about not providing were from my perspective.  I thought I needed those things.  The truth was I indeed did not need those things.

Over the last several months the Lord has revealed He has been providing humility, healing, wholeness, friends and family speaking into my life, what my true value is, as well as many other truths.  I would not have come to realize these things without loosing jobs, housing, and other "provisions" in my life.

The truth is I'm still struggling financially.  I don't know how I will make ends meet.  But this is what I do know:  Lamentations 3:22-33

 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end:

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him.

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him out his mouth in the dust-- there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cat of forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for her does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men.

 

Making Plans With Open Hands

James 4:13-17 (ESV)
"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade an make a profit"--yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?  For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will love and do this or that,"  As it is, you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.  So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

I am a planner.  I enjoy planning, organizing, and problem solving.  I've learned over the years that the more flexible I can be the less stressed I get.  Recently I've needed something more than flexibility. Flexibility still has a sense of plan and a sense of organization.

I will try to make a plan and honestly the next day so many things happen I have to completely change my plan.  Now these aren't just I wanted 2% milk and they only have 1% milk changes.  These are pick up and move to an entirely different location, then a week later, change to another completly different location type of changes.

It is hard when others ask what my plan is.  What is for you next?  In the past I would pull out my index card of planned steps for the next day, week, month, year, etc.  Now, I don't even know where my index cards are! (Actually I just found them.)  My new response has often been "I don't know...but God does."

There are moments of anxiety that come upon me--that is inevitable.  How I am reacting to those emotions and life struggles is what I want to encourage.

First,  I don't talk to others right away about what is going on.  I just sit on it for a little bit.  I spend a little extra time whether driving or sitting alone to just talk things out in prayer, to be still and listen.

Second, I remind myself (or listen to music or read Scripture) that God knows what is going on.  He sees me and He loves me and everyone else that I come in contact with.  I begin to thank God for what I do have.

Third, I open up my hands--figuratively and physically.  None of this is mine--none of it.  I am a mist and I really don't know what is next, but the moment I cling onto things, people, jobs, etc.  as mine--I get myself and my emotions into trouble.  I give praise to God and lift up my voice knowing I can trust Him.  If He gives or takes away...or makes me wait...I can still praise His Name.

Fourth, although my hands are open I still make plans.  I still use wisdom and intelligence.  I still go to others to talk things through and seek advice.  I use these open hands to work where I can and give of my time and talents.  I ask for help, but I also offer help.

Finally, I rest.  Again not only physically but emotionally and spiritually.  I take long deep breaths and let the peace of Jesus that passes understanding fill me.  I get to bed on time and wake up early.  I rest in God's truth.  I put myself in restful environments.  I do my best to make my mind rest (this one is the hardest for me.)

I can still respond to others with anticipated plans, but I often say if God wills...I will do this or that. I am learning to be quick to change and transistion my expectations and desires quickly.  Responding with an attitude that reflects trust in God and a willingness to give up what I'm holding onto.

I am thankful for many examples I see everyday.  Whether it be the baby I'm watching or the birds who are singing-- God has them, and He has you and me!  Keep planning, but be sure to make your plans with open hands.  Those hands after all were made by the One who loves and cares for us most!

The End Draws Near...Oh Wait It's Here!

The last day of summer camp was July 25, 2016...but I am still here! I have so many memories and I know I cannot write them all down.  I will say I have made life-long friends and I praise God for the opportunity I had to work in so many different areas this summer. 

My last week of camp I had six overnight campers in my care.  What a great time.  It was a blessing to end summer camp with one on one opportunities as well as having the oldest girls (14-16).  These girls and I had such a great time.  They had so many questions and were eager to learn and to listen to the truth!  We laughed a lot, but we also had some deep conversations. It made my heart so glad to experience this hunger.  I also found it ironic they thought I was fun.  I’m the old lady mom-ish counselor that had no problem “helping campers obey” and was concerned more for their safety than if they liked me or not.  Yet they said I was fun…so I’ll take it! 

Throughout the summer (as you know if you’ve been reading the updates) I have continued to pray about the next step the Lord has for me.  For right now I was offered part-time work till the end of the summer at Cedar Lake Ministries so I have continued on here for now.  I’m working in the housekeeping department right now.  I am continuing to apply for jobs in this area (Cedar Lake, IN).

I was offered an additional part-time opportunity in the fall to visit churches representing Cedar Lake Ministries.  I’d love the opportunity to visit your church (or school) to share more about conference facility opportunities as well as retreats CLM hosts annually.  Please message me if you would like me to set up a time to visit!

I am doing well emotionally for the most part.  I only had one really rough weekend this summer praise the Lord!  Currently I’m struggling a bit as I’m tired and worn out and don’t have a long-term “game plan.” Spiritually I am continuing to grow.  Right now I'm reading through the Psalms daily.

This is giving me reminders of how to praise God and to remember He is my first and foremost in everything.

This summer I saw so many examples of God at work in the campers as well as the conference guests who have continued to come during and after summer camps.  Several kids gave their hearts to the Lord and many campers and conference guests grew in the Lord.  Many seeds were planted even if we did not see the fruit.

If you want more details about life, etc. feel free to message me to get together!

Thank you again for praying for me.  Thank you also to those of you who took time out of their busy summers to reach out and check on me.  It means so much!

2nd Summer Camp Update

Greetings!

It has been many weeks since I’ve been able to provide an update.  In fact this is my last week serving at Cedar Lake Ministries!  I will be counseling high school girls this week. My top prayer requests:

• ·         Continued good health and energy
• ·         Jesus’ love to pour out of me and through me
• ·         Protection from any spiritual oppression for myself as well as the campers as they hear about the love of God and the Gospel—some for the first time ever.

Now for an update on the past few weeks.

The first week of speaking was great!  God faithfully gave me great ideas through His scripture as well as tangible hands on activities to encourage the campers to remember the truth being taught.  I remember one specific camper as I was sharing the Gospel leaning forward and focusing in on me taking everything in I was saying.  I would ask questions and as she nodded her head about something then I said no, good works cannot get you to Heaven, she looked fearful.  I was able to proclaim the Gospel that day.  Her counselor as well as others continued to love on her and she was one of the 5 or 6 campers that made a profession of faith that week!  Praise God!

The next week (4^th of July week) we only had around 20 day campers.  Several of us were given different roles other than counseling.  My cold turned very bad and I ended up in bed several days.  God used that time to heal me as well as gave me a ministry of prayer.  I was able to do some office work as well as helping come up with ideas/themes for future retreats/conferences for CLM.  Although I was not hands on with the campers—God still used me.  I was also able to experience the love of those around me as they brought medicine, water, food, and company.  I found out that a couple of the 20 campers made a profession of faith that week as well.

This past week I was back in speaker mode and was able to tweak my messages a little to help share the truth.  Because of the number of campers (almost 125) I did two morning sessions and one afternoon session each day.  The little campers (k-3^rd) learned about Ready, Set, Go—keeping our eyes on Jesus and letting Jesus complete our faith.  We memorized Hebrews 12:2a and I was able to teach them about how to use their Bible.  The older campers (4^th-6^th) learned about Think, Watch Out, and Encourage.  I used passaged in Hebrews 12, Acts 10: 34-43, and I Corinthians 13.  It was thrilling to put together the slide show, activities, pray over the lessons, campers, and staff, and speak the sessions.  God also used me occasionally for camper management when the campers were out of hand and needed a little firm loving discipline.  The neatest part was the campers that were the “hardest to love” were the ones that responded to the Gospel message and received Christ as Savior!  I continue to be over joyed in the work God does in just one week.

Personal Update:

I am doing great healthwise and just have an occational allergy like symptoms but medicine is helping.  I did not get sick once from gluten this summer and feel better than I’ve felt in months!  I am so thankful to Heather (camp chef and friend) as well as my adoptive parents (cottagers at CLM encouraged me during the summer) who have given me such great gluten free food and I’ve not had to worry at all about this aspect of my life.

I made the decision to wait until the Spring 2017 school year to begin taking classes online for my Master’s through Dallas Theological Seminary.

I am going to miss being here at CLM so much.  Please pray I will be able to transition into back into life in a healthy way.  I do not have the support network and care at home that I have had here and I am keenly aware of the potential danger of going back into depression after such a great summer.  Pray that those around me will think of me and reach out to love on me and I can love on them as well.

I have not been offered any full time positions as of today and will be returning with no plan other than to continue applying for work, growing in the Lord, and trusting God fully to not only provide but also direct what His will and plan is for me.  I am open to anywhere and since I am single I do have the freedom to pick up and go if that is where the Lord directs.

I started reading a book (The Cure: What if God isn't who you think He is and neither are you?: Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, John S Lynch) that has been very timely and helpful in my relationship with Jesus and life.  I am looking forward to finishing it and letting God continue to transform me into Christ’s likeness.

Thank you all so much for praying for me and reading my updates.  Please let me know how I can be praying for you and please give me a ring if you’d like to go out for coffee and catch up…I’ll have some free time next week. (smiles)

Summer Camp Update

Three of the seven weeks of my time at Cedar Lake Ministries has finished!  It is a bit unreal to realize in a month, my time at CLM for the summer will be over!

Camp Highlights:

Last week all of the summer staff arrived full of excitement and energy.  We introduced ourselves to each other.  The PAs (Program Assistants), Program Directors, and I helped them move in and get comfortable. We did some team building games.  Then we went on a tour of the property.  We were directed to pray over these areas and to take turns praying.  The first spot our PA leader said “okay who wants to pray for this area?”  Not a sound…not a volunteer.  The PAs and I glanced at each other with the thought…oh boy!  We pushed through the eye avoiding and awkward silences and eventually staff person by staff person would volunteer and pray.

This week was full of team building, planning, preparing, and training prior to the campers coming.  We had lots of busy times and a full schedule.  We were learning to be a team and to get to know each other.  Each of us shared our testimony of how we came to know Jesus Christ as our Savior as well as what He is doing in our lives currently.  After each person would share we would come around them and pray for them.

In the evenings we had a couple come and share music with us that fostered a unique opportunity of worshiping God and praying unlike any experience I have had.  We then had our Program Director’s husband come and share Scriptures and focus with us to help us in our mindsets about ourselves being here at camp as well as how we should be preparing our hearts towards the campers.  These times were essential.

The last night were given the opportunity for corporate prayer as we felt lead.  There was no longer awkward silence or eye avoiding.  The room was full of confident and changed hearts that confidently and openly went to their Father in Heaven through Jesus giving their thanksgivings, confessions, requests, and praise to God!  We all talked later about how neat it was to see God change them so much in their boldness to pray.  One young lady mentioned to me that she had never really prayed out loud before.  She told me this after I thanked her for leading us in such a wonderful prayer!

All this to say—God is definitely on the move in our hearts preparing us for this summer!  We’ve had some physical bumps and bruises.  Some ankle strains and sprains, some fire and sun burns, some headaches and summer coughs, and lack of sleep.

We have had a great time of fun and laughter as well!  It has been such a joy to be here already.  I continue to thank God so much for my time here.

Personal Life Highlights:

During this week I received and email informing me I have been accepted to Dallas Theological Seminary for the fall!  I was able to speak with the admissions counselor and she explained I would be able to take the majority of this degree online so I do not need to pick up and move.  This is a huge answer to prayer regarding direction!

The work on my house to remove the mold and preventative future steps has been completed and it looks great!

I received notification in the mail that the job I interviewed for was offered to another person, so I will not be offered that job in the fall.  The other places I have applied have not contacted me for an interview as of yet—so I still do not have employment plans for the fall.

A few weeks ago our family bird Smokey was injured badly.  He almost lost his life.  If you know me you may know that I’ve never been much of a big pet person.  Smokey is a little different.  He and I are twins by age—34.  My two uncles brought him back with them from the D.R. Congo when he was a baby.  We’ve grown up with Smokey and he has learned all of our sayings, voices, etc. and repeats them over and over!  He has been so fun to have and his timing is amazing sometimes.  Almost every summer I can remember my dad would set his cage out on the back porch in the summers.  Smokey loved this time of hearing different birds, animals, and people!  The few weeks ago a wild animal somehow got a hold of Smokey reaching into his cage and injured his right foot.  We believe it may have been a raccoon.  Poor Smokey lost a lot of blood and we honestly weren’t sure if he would make it.  My parents came to my house with Smokey (who is wild and has never really been handled) wrapped in a towel and being held.  After 5 attempts we finally found a vet who would take him to help.  We got him in and they were able to save him.  He had surgery and they had to take off his right leg.  Amazingly he is healing and adapting to this new life with just one leg.  My dad is working on adapting his cage so he can still move around as well as learn to eat without holding his food as he has always done his whole life.  He is still full of quotes and sounds and we think he will be okay.  During this time my parents and I continued to sing and talk about the song His Eye is on the Sparrow.  This song is one of our favorites and it now rings true more than ever!

Prayer and Praise:

This week: Session 1: June 26-30; Family Camp: June 30- July 2

This week my role will be camp speaker.  This will be my 5^th summer at CLM speaking and my 9^th (I think) of summer camp speaking.  This is a great time for me and I really love this opportunity. 

Praise:

·         We have an amazing crew of summer staff that love God well and love each other well.

·         I continue to stay healthy and my friend and chef here prepares me great Gluten Free food so I can be at my best and not get sick (I have celiac disease).

·         I was accepted to Dallas Theological Seminary!

·         God has shown me that I should stay local and has even given me a ministry now and when I return (a few of the gals working here this summer are local & have asked me to mentor them in the fall.)

·         Laughter has been such good medicine for me—Giving and receiving.

Prayer:

·         Pray that I will be open to the Lord as I write the lessons and activities for the session times.

·         Pray also that I will be available to the campers and staff to love them, listen, and have opportunities to spiritually plant seeds, cultivate, and/or bring a harvest depending on the spiritual season of each person.

·         Please continue to pray that all of our hearts and minds will be softened and clear to hear the truth of God and respond appropriately

·         Health and Safety as well as repeat to last week’s prayer requests.

·         Finances:

o Job for in the fall

o To financially be able move back into my house in December

o Seminary

o House repairs (the bill went on my credit card)

As you seek His kingdom and righteousness--remember that God loves you, is not ashamed of you, and is preparing a place for you in Heaven.  We see this example of truth in Hebrews 11:13-16.

His Kingdom and Righteousness

Matthew 6:33 (ESV) “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

There is a difference in knowing that you need the Lord versus experiencing the reality of needing the Lord.  In my current season of humility and financial struggles, I continue to experience the desperate need I have of the Lord.  I have always been aware of my need of God and I have always thanked the Lord when He does provide for me.  When I am driving—thanking Him for safety.  When I interact with someone and am faithful to share God’s loving truth—thanking the Holy Spirit for the right words.  When I find an item that I needed and not only is on clearance, it just also happens to be the color I desired—thanks for thinking of me Lord-even in the little things!

Yet now—when I don’t have what I need…or what I think I need… my thankful heart has needed some reminders.  Although I was thankful for all the above provisions, was I treasuring them more than I realized?

Matthew 6:19-21 (ESV) “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I am now working at a local university--praising God for employment. I also am being given the gift of living somewhere free of charge until I can get back on my feet.  Even with these great provisions I am still struggling financially so I am having to decide if I need to sell and give up my car as I simply cannot afford it nor the insurance.  The last time I didn’t have a car was the first three years of college.  The new dependence on others would rise so high that a new world of humility and uncertainty will arise. What do I begin to feel?  Anxiety…

I look back at the above verses. What or who am I valuing more than the Creator and giver?  I need not store my treasures…especially because I cannot afford them.  “No one can serve two masters.  Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and money.” (Mt 6:24 ESV)

I never ever thought that I was serving money.  I was grateful for it and others can attest that I say this is God’s money not my money.  Yet when I no longer have it, I am now finding myself realizing how much I really did depend on money for my “independence.”  So I am facing this truth and repenting to the Lord for this sin of letting myself become a slave to debt and money.

All of this is good and well, having a right relationship with the Lord—but I still don’t have any money and I am in debt!  Keep reading: 

Matthew 6:25-26 “Therefore (since you are now serving God and not money) I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?”

We are given this well-known reminder of how the birds are cared for.  Many are familiar with the song: His Eye is on the Sparrow.  Just recently I was crying out to the Lord and I had to change a few of these words as I sang.  The original chorus goes: I sing because I’m happy I sing because I’m free for His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.  I changed the words to: I sing because I choose to, I know that I am free, for his eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.  These were the words that I could truthfully sing.  I wasn’t happy…but I was practicing the outpouring of praise and blessing the Lord even when I am suffering.

Giving up worry and seeking earthly treasures—we replace with the key verse: “seek first His kingdom and his righteousness—and all these things will be given to you as well.”  I remember reading this passage a month or so ago and decided I would begin to do a word study of the passages that contained kingdom.  I have continued to grow in my relationship with the Lord as I am seeking His kingdom.  Guess what other word has been often coupled with this word—Righteousness.  This is what I am filling my mind and heart with which makes it possible for me to “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Mt. 6:33)

Empty Rooms Filled with Prayer

Due to my decision to resign from my job I needed to find a source of income to pay my mortage.  God provided a family that needed a place to rent and my parents agreed to let me go and stay with them.  So I drew up a lease agreement and started to clean my house.

As I moved all my things with the help of the family that would be moving in and others it was hard physically and emotionally.  The next Sunday at church God provided lots of hugs.  I couldn't really talk about it, but I was good at crying that day.

The tenants weren't moving in for a couple more weeks so I was able to take my time cleaning up the house and seeing if there were any major maintenance issues.  As I went back to the empty house once or twice I would catch myself just sitting down and crying.I would repeat out loud "God this is your house.  It always has been and always will be, but this is so hard!" 

The last day I knew I was going to be in the house before the tenants moved in, I got up early (at my parents house as that is where I am now living).  I got my coffee, Bible, and notebook and curled up on  my bed which is my normal morning routine.  This morning though I spent more time sipping my coffee and just sitting in silence.  I was thinking that when I go into my house (I mean God's house) it will be the most empty I have seen it in years.  That thought brought such sadness and I was running out of energy to get going in the day.  Then another thought occurred to me--I could fill the rooms with prayers!  Instead of feeling sorry for myself I began filling my head and thoughts with people--the people who would be moving in and visiting.

So as I got to the house it was still a hard task.  I even rode in with my mom so I would be forced to get there and stay put till the house was cleaned and ready.  She dropped me off and I got to my final cleaning.  I started listening to music as I went about cleaning to get my energy going.  Then I turned off the music and just paused in each room and began to pray for the parents, kids, and any future guests they would have.  I prayed they would grow as a family and be strengthened in the Lord.

I prayed the house would stay stable and low maintenance so as to keep this family warm and safe.  I asked that their jobs would continue so they could continue to pay the rent so as I could pay the mortgage. It was still sad and I still cried, but instead of leaving the house empty it was filled with prayers.

Isaiah 56:7
"Even those I will bring to My holy mountain and make them joyful in My house of prayer.  Their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be acceptable on My altar; For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."