Ecclesiastes 3:7-8 a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.
Time. After my last post some major changes happened and I needed to go silent. There are times when I am sure the Lord wants me to speak up and share things. Other times I just want to share something. This time- just too many changes and transitions to keep up, and I fell silent.
I don't have many followers and have never really been praised for my writing so I even questioned if I should start back up writing again. Today I decided to start. Do I update the silent part or just zoom into what is now?
I guess I'll just start with today and perhaps finish up with a timeline. But I need to at least let you know I am still a wife, no longer employed, now a mom, and have lived in 3 different homes since last posting...now in another state.
Exhaustion, not okay, lonely, gasping for room/breath. Finally posted something on social media a few weeks back. Had a couple of people reach out to me. We are still in the midst of the historical COVID-19 pandemic. This circumstance is the ongoing life pressure holding me and so many others under water with rare opportunities to come up for air.
God cares. He is not surprised. He is still at work. He is still faithful. He is still God Almighty.
His Story is still going on. We are still just vapors... a mist in time. He is forever.
I'm feeling like I'm in the shadows. Just functioning. I finally have a peace. And I'm finally connecting with local women. The Lord did a wonderful break through in my life yesterday. So much so it kind of feels like a dream. I had a really rough night with the baby (I know BABY!) and struggling to even get her down for a nap. Husband still working from home so I needed to continue to tip toe around the house. I finally got her down and came to pray and have some much needed time with the Lord.
I just wanted to scream out everything. I had this memory of a day off back at my first job after college (Spring of 2007). I was in a new town and didn't know many people. I found a cemetery away from traffic or anyone and found a low point away from any tombstones and hid behind my vehicle. I spent the entire afternoon just crying, yelling, singing, reading, praying, writing, etc. How I long for an opportunity like that again. Instead I just covered my face and whisper screamed and cried. I read scripture, I wrote my prayers out. I swallowed my pride and reached out for prayer as well as asking for help. I sat in silence. Then the peace overwhelmed me. I knew immediately it was the Lord giving me this peace and I was feeling the prayers of others. And a response that help would be on the way soon!
No matter what my circumstances or life seasons have been--I circle back to the truth that I am at peace when I focus on the Lord and delight in Him. And even now I smile as the Lord quietly reminds me that is why I started blogging in the first place.
Be encouraged- God sees you. He loves you. He desires a relationship with you. I pray I can take time each day and renew the right spirit with Him. To be in His presence.
Psalm 89:1-2 I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.
2 For I said, “Steadfast love will be built up forever;
in the heavens you will establish your faithfulness.”
Timeline....as best as I can recall
2019
January-- awesome boss resigned and transition time was a struggle
March--We put our house on the market
April--Accepted an offer on the house, I put in my two weeks notice at my workplace, we moved to a 1 bedroom duplex...oh and I found out I was pregnant
May-August-- Volunteered at summer camp, kept getting bigger, started leading a book study, family vacation
August--Started substitute teaching and looking for part time work.
September--Started working a work from home job, attended Saturday church service and serving on AV team
November (end)--Had a baby- Csection...had a day to prep emotionally for it was a bit of a surprise
December--skype Christmas with limited visits
2020
January- decided not to go back to work
February- I can't remember other than recovering
March- Visit in-laws and husband interviews for new job, COVID hits, pack up and move to a rental unseen with a four month old
April--surviving
May--struggling, looking for church via online
June--struggling, have a few folks visit
July--struggling, get involved in church, get more air, find a group of women to fellowship with via internet.
550 days later here I am.
