Delight in Depression?

How can I delight in the Lord while I'm in depression?  I'll work through this, but in short here is the reality:  God is still God no matter what is going on in my life and my emotions.  He's got this and He's got me.

Now lets break it down.  He was a good guy.  He loves Jesus, knows God's word--he even loved me...and I'm pretty sure I loved him.  He was a great boyfriend, but God showed me he was not to be my future husband.  This was confirmed by those invested in me and closest to me.  So we broke up.

This was my first break up.  It was only 4.5 months, but some things happened during this time that has caused me to go into depression.  First off--just missing my friend.  That alone can be hard.
I also finally allowed a part of me to open up.  The deep desire to be a wife--a godly, faithful, caring, and fun wife.  I had never let that part of me come out--there was never a reason to before.

So now knowing I made the right decision to break up, I now have this part of me that I loved being that I have to...well... I'm not sure yet.  I guess stuff it back in? Shut that part of me down?  This is where the deep depression comes out.  I saw how great of a wife I would be and I loved it.  I loved the idea of getting to be a help mate and to have someone committed to me.  Yes we pursued purity, we "guarded our hearts" as best we could--but how do you date without letting that part of you out?

And now that it is over what do I do?  I'm so tired of being an independent woman who just keeps going and takes care of everything alone.  I'm done.  I'm still hoping in the Lord...but I've got to take a break.  So how am I going to still delight in the Lord while going through this depression?

Well, first, I had to admit I was depressed...I am depressed.  Next--talk to God!  Cry my eyes out.  And go somewhere where I am with others.  I am at my parents for the weekend.  I have found a friend to come and stay with me for a little while.  And I am going to go to a professional counselor.  I'm also listening to good deep hymns and songs that point my brain to praising the Lord. These are all good steps.   I am still struggling...and if you're local...I could do with some kind loving if you get a chance.  If nothing else--pray.

God lead me (and search engine on depressed on biblegateway.com) to Psalm 42.  Just what I needed to express the combination of delighting in the Lord in the midst of depression.  So how do we do this?  I point us to God's Word:

Psalm 42 

 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
    so pants my soul for you, O God.
² My soul thirsts for God,
    for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
³ My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
    “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember,
    as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
    and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
    a multitude keeping festival.

⁵ Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation ⁶ and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;
    therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
    from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
    at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
    have gone over me.
⁸ By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
    and at night his song is with me,
    a prayer to the God of my life.
⁹ I say to God, my rock:
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
    because of the oppression of the enemy?”
¹⁰ As with a deadly wound in my bones,
    my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
    “Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation and my God.

Self Evaluation

In my own life I desire to give God glory as I delight in Him and live life in a way that demonstrates my delight is first in Christ.  How do I do that?  I have to self-evaluate my own life first, then compare it to the attributes of Christ. 

What (or who) do I catch myself thinking about the most?   What do I talk about the most?  What do I spend the majority of my money on?  What do I complain about?  What do I fret about? 

There are things we have to spend money on and talk about…but when I am talking about self-evaluation I mean when I have a choice to talk about whatever I want…what am I choosing to talk about?  When I let my mind wander…where do my thoughts go to?  Then I have to ask—are any of these things bringing God glory?  Am I delighting in the Lord?  Can I truly say night and day I meditate on God’s law?  (paraphrase from Psalm 119) If I find that I do not—I have to take some time to confess those things to the Lord.  Then I need to let God change me and mold me. I may have to give some things up or start some new practices.

Here are some verses to encourage us to evaluate our lives individually to see how we are delighting and who or what we are delighting most in.  I pray that our desire is to delight first in the Lord and that others in our daily interactions see in us a consistent way of living that demonstrates that truth.

Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV) “Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

Psalm 19:13-14 (ESV) “Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me!  Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression.  Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”