The last two days I attended the a conference called Storyline Conference. I was used by the Lord to encourage one specific gal. Did I get a lot out of the conference? I was kind of thinking it to be more of a networking/workshop kind of conference. I did glean a lot...just not what I expected. I went with a specific purpose in mind and God used that motivation to get me there, I believe, for one specific woman.
I don't know very much of her story. All I know is she had something unique about her that I noticed in the first session of the conference. At the end of the day she and I happened to be departing the same breakout session when I decided to ask if she would tell me about her uniqueness that others could see. She began to share...and then started to cry. You see she made a promise & her uniqueness told everyone else about that promise. I caught her in a current struggle of keeping that promise.
I didn't ask too many details...I just let her share what she was comfortable sharing--then I prayed with her. I gave her a hug and we exchanged contact information. At the end of a very--what am I even doing here day...God showed me. Do what I made you to do--so I did.
I'm looking forward to staying connected with this beautiful woman and to see what God does in and through her. She needed some encouragement deeply--but that is not what I saw initially. I saw something unique about her. That uniqueness brought on curiosity, and curiosity brought courage and courage brought on care. That care came from my dear Savior, friend, and king. Praise Him for using me!
I am currently struggling in finding the steps toward the plan/vision I believe God is directing me in. I'm not needed...no really, I'm not. But God has invited me to be needed. He has gifted me and given me passions. I am created to create--I'm currently in the struggle of the steps towards where I want to be. I have two specific desires that I want to do. It is very tough though when those desires require others to be in agreement, support, and cooperation.
I'm also in the struggle that all of us can be easily plagued with if we let it--comparison! I'm not a writer. I'm not the most intelligent (especially in my family). I am not amazing at anything specific. Well actually, I was once told by a family member: You are not very good at perfection...but you are amazing at recovery!
I am very good at tripping, falling, and failing. I'm also good at crying and being selfish. But I am also good at getting up again, having a sense of humor, and letting God teach me lessons based on my falls.
I don't have a horrible past--yes some wounds, but not anything someone would listen to and say--wow how can she be so great despite all she's gone through!? I'm not great and compared (there I go again!) to others, I've not suffered much.
But I have resolved that I'm just going to start doing what I think God is asking me to do. And it is a long-time desired dream. I am going to be disciplined and continue studying the Bible. I'm going to continue to work hard. I'm going to let Jesus transform me and I'm going to let the Holy Spirit guide me.
I'm scared to do this. I'm scared of the pride that may rise up and tempt me. I'm scared of expectations and obligations--I set and others voice that I won't meet. I'm scared I will be so vulnerable I will be chewed up and spit out. I'm scared I will be compared.
One of the workshops I was in yesterday had us all write out different life events/dreams, etc. Towards the end we were lead into writing down the critics in us--the thoughts and fears that are keeping us pulled back from doing. Then we were invited to answer these critics as if we were a loving parent answering back to a child. I had scripture come to my mind regarding my fears.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (ESV--biblegateway.com)
So here I go. I'm not sure what to do next--though I was given a great workbook to work through, so I think I'll start with that. I have the Bible and the Holy Spirit as my guide, and as all great adventures need, I have a theme song playing in the background of my mind--Jars of Clay "I'm diving in in over my head I'm gonna be...so sink or swim I'm diving in!"
May this be my story for His glory
