His Mercy

I recently attended a women's conference in Dubuque Iowa. One of the passages our speaker looked at was in Daniel. At the end of the conference, we were challenged to continue studying and having our own "conference" during our individual time when we were at home studying the Bible.
I've taken this challenge and have started to read Daniel. I only read a little bit at a time. Usually a chapter or half a chapter. Then I take time and go back to reread and write down some thoughts.
I was challenged by a phrase this morning. In Daniel chapter 9. Daniel is praying to God regarding the desolation of Israel due to their lack of obedience to God. Daniel is crying out to God realizing that it is the sins of Israel that is causing the 70 years of of this punishment that the people are struggling through.
There's one phrase that really caught my eye this morning. It is found in Daniel 9:18B. We plead to you Lord not because of our righteousness but because of your mercy. This was such a reminder to me that when we come before our God and Savior we are not in a position of entitlement. I continue to observe children and even adults having this sense of having rights. I catch myself insisting that things should go my way because it's my right. But in all reality we don't really have any rights do we? Anything good that we get is from God and when we come before him we must remember that it is God's mercy that allows us to come before His throne boldly like we're told in Hebrews.
I am thankful for a wonderful merciful God that does hear my plea and does consider me righteous because of the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. So although friends, we have that freedom in Christ to come boldly before the throne, let us remember it is not our own righteousness that gives us such boldness but God's mercy. He does want to hear are pleas. He does want to hear our confessions. He does want to hear our praise. May we come before God with all of these things but also with a humble heart grateful for His loving care and mercy.

My story His glory

The last two days I attended the a conference called Storyline Conference.  I was used by the Lord to encourage one specific gal.  Did I get a lot out of the conference?  I was kind of thinking it to be more of a networking/workshop kind of conference.  I did glean a lot...just not what I expected. I went with a specific purpose in mind and God used that motivation to get me there, I believe, for one specific woman.

I don't know very much of her story.  All I know is she had something unique about her that I noticed in the first session of the conference.  At the end of the day she and I happened to be departing the same breakout session when I decided to ask if she would tell me about her uniqueness that others could see.  She began to share...and then started to cry.  You see she made a promise & her uniqueness told everyone else about that promise.  I caught her in a current struggle of keeping that promise.

I didn't ask too many details...I just let her share what she was comfortable sharing--then I prayed with her.  I gave her a hug and we exchanged contact information.  At the end of a very--what am I even doing here day...God showed me.  Do what I made you to do--so I did.

I'm looking forward to staying connected with this beautiful woman and to see what God does in and through her.  She needed some encouragement deeply--but that is not what I saw initially. I saw something unique about her.  That uniqueness brought on curiosity, and curiosity brought courage and courage brought on care.  That care came from my dear Savior, friend, and king.  Praise Him for using me!

I am currently struggling in finding the steps toward the plan/vision I believe God is directing me in.  I'm not needed...no really, I'm not.  But God has invited me to be needed.  He has gifted me and given me passions.  I am created to create--I'm currently in the struggle of the steps towards where I want to be.  I have two specific desires that I want to do.  It is very tough though when those desires require others to be in agreement, support, and cooperation.

I'm also in the struggle that all of us can be easily plagued with if we let it--comparison!  I'm not a writer.  I'm not the most intelligent (especially in my family).  I am not amazing at anything specific.  Well actually, I was once told by a family member:  You are not very good at perfection...but you are amazing at recovery!

I am very good at tripping, falling, and failing.  I'm also good at crying and being selfish.  But I am also good at getting up again, having a sense of humor, and letting God teach me lessons based on my falls.

I don't have a horrible past--yes some wounds, but not anything someone would listen to and say--wow how can she be so great despite all she's gone through!?  I'm not great and compared (there I go again!) to others, I've not suffered much.

But I have resolved that I'm just going to start doing what I think God is asking me to do.  And it is a long-time desired dream.  I am going to be disciplined and continue studying the Bible.  I'm going to continue to work hard.  I'm going to let Jesus transform me and I'm going to let the Holy Spirit guide me.

I'm scared to do this.  I'm scared of the pride that may rise up and tempt me.  I'm scared of expectations and obligations--I set and others voice that I won't meet.  I'm scared I will be so vulnerable I will be chewed up and spit out.  I'm scared I will be compared.

One of the workshops I was in yesterday had us all write out different life events/dreams, etc.  Towards the end we were lead into writing down the critics in us--the thoughts and fears that are keeping us pulled back from doing.  Then we were invited to answer these critics as if we were a loving parent answering back to a child.  I had scripture come to my mind regarding my fears.

^{1 John 4:18} There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (ESV--biblegateway.com)

So here I go.  I'm not sure what to do next--though I was given a great workbook to work through, so I think I'll start with that.  I have the Bible and the Holy Spirit as my guide, and as all great adventures need, I have a theme song playing in the background of my mind--Jars of Clay "I'm diving in in over my head I'm gonna be...so sink or swim I'm diving in!"

May this be my story for His glory

Children--God's Heart

My last post was right before I went off to another country for two weeks.  It was such a wonderful, yet very challenging experience for me.  I've decided not to go into the ins and outs of the experience.  For now I just want to spend some time on when God got a hold of my heart and ears while in Africa, and the upcoming change in my life.

At one point on my trip I got very sick.  It is very typical for travelers...but it was new for me.  During one of the hardest days I was in bed while everyone else was gone.  I had a bathroom in my room, praise God.  I was very weak and suffering from dehydration.  Yet God used that time to confirm some things in my life.

In short--just a few things:  God did not need me in Congo.  I was not given a task or a heart string pulling of approval to look towards full time ministry on the field.  In fact--God brought to mind all the ways I was currently obeying and serving Him back home.

Next, children--God showed me during my time how much His heart beats for children.  I noticed more when the children needed love or care.  I saw how those in the villages we visited would take on caring for each other's children.  It didn't matter whose they were...they just made sure the kids were where they needed to be. 

God brought that to my mind--take care of children--it is my heart. 

I have been praying about my desire to be a mom pretty much all of my life.  I thought it would come when a godly guy took notice of me, pursued me, and we were married and started a family together.  That desire has yet to be fulfilled.

About eight years ago I started praying about foster care.  I grew up in a loving healthy home and I saw how that experience could prepare me to love and nurture others.  I requested information from family services and received some very generic information in the mail.  Since that time I've continued to look to God to see if this was what He wanted.

To be a single, full time working mom...is not the ideal for any child.  Yet--God has been showing me that for some children--having a healthy, single care giver--is more than what they currently have.  So I have been battling this idea for quite some time.

But in Africa--the Lord really tugged on my heart when I was at my worst.  He showed me how others cared for me and how He would never leave me nor forsake me.  He reminded me of passages in Scripture that talked about children coming to Jesus. 

So when I got back after a few weeks...I decided to move forward and look towards foster care.  I am now finished with my training and am waiting to be licensed.  I have been informed by the licensing director that as soon as July 4th I could be certified and ready to receive children! 

So now I am continuing on in the work God has given me.  I keep my cell phone a little closer than normal just in case I get a call asking if I would take a child or children.  I am nervous and unsure about many things.  But I do know that if this is God's delight...it ought to be mine.

I am delighted to announce that I will soon be a foster mom!  May God's love be portrayed through me-His adopted child, as I provide safety and care for those future little ones God puts in my protection. 

They placed their hands on them and sent them off

note this blog entry is from february 2014 before my trip to dominican republic of congo, africa

Acts 13:2-4

New International Version (NIV)

² While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, “Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.” ³ So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off.

I have had the privilege to observe and participate in such similar moments of placing hands on those going to serve and sending them off.  This week was the first time I have been prayed over and sent off in such a way.

Two sets of groups came around me this week. They placed their hands on me, prayed for me as they sent me off in preparation of my trip to Africa.  What a humbling and enriching experience.  I have a scarf that was held by one group, so when I wear it I will be reminded of their prayers.  I also have a picture of the other group praying for me as a reminder that I can look at.

Going away and being prayed over is a big deal and I thank God for the power of prayer and His saints faithfully remembering me in prayer as I go to Congo.  It has occurred to me though that I could have laid my hands on each of these people as well to be sent off in their every day lives.

We all have a mission and challenge to go and make disciples of Jesus Christ.  The work we are doing here is just as important as the work being done in other parts of the world.  I don't want to exalt missionaries higher than God's call for them.  I also don't want to underestimate the work God has already given me and others to do where we are locally.

May we let the Holy Spirit prompt us to seek out those who need to be prayed over and sent off.  May we also be willing to be the one sending or the one being sent.  Both roles are important and God's work cannot be accomplished without both obeying His direction.

So thank you so much to those who are praying for me and keeping me in mind during my time away.  I pray that you and I will both be open to go and do the work God has specifically set aside for us to do.

Congo Bound

A week from today I will be in Africa.  This will be my first trip overseas and I'm very much looking forward to this advendure.  I will be with loved ones who have been there so I am at ease about many things knowing I can look to them for direction.

In preparation I thought I might write out a few thoughts in what I anticipate to be a time of great growth an memories.  I'm not as nervous about being in the jungle and not having running water.  Perhaps times of no electricity.  I've not really gotten to nervous about the animals either.  I am  a little uneasy at times, but I am mostly excited about this opportunity.

My thoughts are being drawn to the desire to be used of the Lord.  I do not know the language, but I've been informed that there will be translators available if needed.  We will have the opportunity to intereact with many people.  I may have the opportunity to share the truth of Christ, or just sit with a lady or two and be a blessing.  I am very excited about the singing and rejoicing with the people there!

This will also be memorable as it is the 50th anniversary of the Congo Rebellion.  This will bring many memories back to those who where there.  It will be a new experience for me to hear and see first hand the places that I heard about growing up. 

I know one main focus I feel God has been putting on my heart is to be humble as He is humble.  This will be a trip in which everything for me will be new.  I generally am the one others look to for direction or having extra supplies when needed.  This will be a very different situation.  I will be relying totally on others and their expertise. 

1 Peter 5:5 "In the same way, you younger men, be subject to the elders.  And all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble."

The next passage is Joel 2.  The prophet is calling and pleading the truth of the God and calling them to repent.  I came across verse 12-13 recently and it caused me to stop an evaluate myself. 

Joel 2:12-13 "Even now--this is the LORD'S declaration--turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning.  Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the LORD your God.  For He is gracious and comassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love, and He relents from sending disaster."

The phrase I focused in on was tear your hearts, not just your clothes.  Tearing of clothes in the Old Testament was a sign of anger, mourning, sadness.  It was an outward sign of the emotions going on inside.  It was a way for others to see a change--things are not okay right now.

This passage is calling the people to not just look like they are sorry by tearing their clothes.  He is calling them to tear their hearts.  This reflects a call for an inward change.  This really gave me a great picture to take into my own life.  Do I experience heart tearing in times of disobedience of the Lord?  Or when I see injustice, do I just act out frustration or is my internal heart tearing and crying out to God for justice? 

May God teach me true humility, and may my heart be torn at the things I do that dishonor God and turn to Him for forgiveness and guidance. May my heart be torn towards the people I go to and love and share the truth of Jesus Christ when I am able. For His glory.

On a technical note: I don't know that I will have internet access to blog during my time there, but I will be sure to write by hand and perhaps blog my experiences later.  I have a few more days before departure so on the days I'm able I'll jot down a few thoughts as I prepare to go.